Perfect.

This was how the perinatologist described the baby this morning. Perfect. He was happy to hear that my blood sugar has been under good control. I had an endocrinologist appointment last week and my A1c was 5.5. I have never had such tight control and as much as the continuous glucose monitor drives me nuts with it's contstant alerts I have to attribute the control to that.

I didn't take any video this time because I was by myself and they really just looked at and measured the body parts and organs. I was asked if I was finding out the sex but I was strong and said no. It was very tempting but I think it will be more exciting to find out on the big day.

There was only one problem that I saw with the ultrasound. I'm not big on reality tv and I absolutely hate Jersey Shore. I think that those people are an embarrassment to America. The problem is this:

16 weeks 1 day

I've got a fist pumper on my hands. Apparently it's big in Jersey.

Ugh. Just looking at that picture makes my skin crawl. Not sure how to fist pump? Well, here's an instructional chart so you can practice at home:


Consider yourself informed.

Better late than never

So, I meant to do a post about my perinatologist's appointment a few weeks ago. Whoops. Everything was fine. They did an ultrasound (including a 4D one as well...creepy, but cool!) to measure the nuchal fold on the back of the baby's neck. They tried an abdominal ultrasound at first, but the baby was head down and she couldn't get a view of the back of the neck. So, a vaginal ultrasound was done instead. I think the vaginal ultrasound is clearer anyways so I was happy to oblige. She had no trouble getting several measurements that way. She said that a measurement over 2.0 (mm, I'm assuming) would be an indicator of Down's Syndrome and all three measurements she took were under. They also took some blood to run more tests for Down's Syndrome. They called me last week to tell me that my chances of having a baby born with Down's Syndrome when I walked into my appointment were about 1 in 400 but after the ultrasound and the bloodwork my chances were now 1 in 6,000 or so. Insert sigh of relief here.

Courtney was able to come with me for the appointment so he took a couple of videos of the ultrasound. This first video is of the abdominal ultrasound. You can kind of see it squirming around in there. I think it looks like a shrimp in this video. :)


12 weeks 2 days (but I measured 12 weeks 4 days)

This video shows some of the 4D ultrasound. You can hear the tech saying that a part of the placenta was right over the baby's head so either it blocks it or when she moves it she loses part of the head. So, the baby does indeed have a fully intact head. This was the vaginal ultrasound and I think there is a huge difference from the other one.

We got a bunch of pictures from this appointment but the best one was this one:

It's a picture of a picture, so it's a little blurry...sorry!

A couple people said it looks like the baby is giving a peace sign or a thumbs up but I have different opinion. Do you remember the show "The Kids in the Hall?"

Loved that show. Anyway, there was a sketch on that show about a guy who crushed people's heads with his thumb and forefinger.

My baby is going to be a head crusher.

Stevie Wonder

I love the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin. I've seen it a million times and it always makes me laugh. I love Steve Carrell and am a huge Office fan. And he is so perfectly awkward in this movie. Anyway, there is a scene where they are playing poker and sharing sex stories and he tries to make one up, without much success. They want more details so they ask him to describe the woman's boobs and then go on to describe different types of nipples. As seen here. Just a little warning....there is graphic language in the clip. One of the types they describe are the "bumpy-braille nipples" and you can hear Seth Rogen call them "Stevie Wonders."


I now own a pair of those.


I swear, I have a short story, written in braille, on my nipples.


I know it's normal in pregnancy but it still surprised me nonetheless. There hasn't been much else to report other than that. My fatigue has started to improve and my tummy is getting a little bigger. I can't fit into most of my clothes anymore, unless they were a little big to begin with or if they are stretchy. I'm starting to get a little heartburn after eating certain foods but antacids solve that problem.

Everyone at work now knows I'm pregnant. I announced it at the staff meeting this past Monday. It feels good to have it out in the open now. I was so nervous about announcing it though! My heart was beating a mile a minute, like I was about to give a speech or something. I just really hate talking in front of large groups. But everyone was happy for me.

Quite a few "stars," and I'm being quite liberal with that word, have announced they are pregnant recently, which is kind of neat.







Anna Duggar (she married the oldest of the 19 Duggar kids...love that show!) is due after me, in mid-June. I was impressed that she was so open and honest about her recent miscarriage. Kudos to her.











Pink just announced she is pregnant. I couldn't find anything about when she is due but they seem to believe it's a girl so I'm going to guess April or May?

Mariah Carey shared the news (which wasn't much of surprise if you've seen recent pictures of her...hello boobies!) that she was pregnant. She didn't say when she was due but I'd guess March or April?

And last, but not least, Skeletor....errr, I mean Rachel Zoe. I've never watched her show, nor do I really know anything about her but seriously? This woman? I can see her sternum for crying out loud! How is she even able to menstruate? I seriously hope she decides to eat for the baby's sake.

And finally, I have an appointment with the perinatologist (high risk OB) tomorrow morning. I've heard really good things about this doctor from some of the ladies I babysit for, including the fact that he is super handsome. ;) We are having some first trimester screenings done, including the nuchal translucency test. I believe that will include a detailed ultrasound. I really cannot wait to see what our baby looks like now. I will be sure to post the details tomorrow.

The most beautiful sound...

...has to be this:



I may be a bit biased, but can you blame me?

Also, she gave me a due date of June 1, 2011 and that I am actually 9w6d along rather than the 9w4d that I thought I was. She based it on the day of the IUI rather than the first day of my last menstrual cycle. Either way, she wants me to deliver between 38 and 40 weeks so it may be in May. It doesn't really matter to me but I would prefer to not be induced. Ideally I would have a natural birth. I do reserve the right to change my mind at any given point but this is something I plan on sticking to.

I have my monthly appointments with them scheduled through March and have a referral to my perinatologist to do the nuchal translucency test in a few weeks. I'm feeling good, just tired. All day long tired. It's exhausting being so tired all the time. I think I could nap most of the day and still be tired enough to sleep all night. I don't have any nausea, I just get a little "iffy" around mealtimes still, where nothing sounds appetizing. Once I eat I usually feel better. I know I could have it much, much worse and I am definitely not complaining. I'll take my tiredness and be thankful.

I'm thankful regardless. :)

Graduation Day

Today I have officially graduated from the fertility doctor and have been released to my regular OB/Gyn! We had our final appointment with Shady Grove Fertility today for an ultrasound. It was amazing. It actually looks like a baby now. Last time it looked like a fried egg but now you can clearly see little arms and legs as well as a head. The flickering heart was still visible and the little one was squirming around in there.

Check out the video:




My doctor forgot to mention what the heart rate was but you can see it on the video. It was 180.



And of course, a picture!

8 weeks 6 days

Before leaving they gave us a nice little photo holder card that had another copy of the ultrasound picture in it. I let Courtney bring it to work with him. I gave him the ok to share the news with whoever he wants. Which isn't too many people. I think the only people he hasn't told are a few friends of his back in California.

After the appointment my mom (who came with us) and I went out to breakfast. She started telling me that my dad was starting to stress out about how much money she was going to spend when she finds out what were having. I told her he shouldn't worry too much because we aren't going to find out. She asked if just she could find out but again, the answer was no. We have waited 4 years to have a healthy pregnancy. We can wait another 7 months to find out what's growing in there. I'm not saying I won't be tempted. It would make certain things a lot easier but I'm really looking forward to that moment in the delivery room when we finally find out. 7 months isn't that long.....right?

Milestones

I couldn't tell you when I took my first step or what my first word was. I have no idea what my first food was or how old I was when I first slept through the night.

Today I reached one milestone I won't soon forget. I have reached the 8 week mark.

With my first pregnancy I started spotting in the 6th week and ended up miscarrying at exactly 8 weeks. With this pregnancy I haven't seen a single "spot" and as far as I know my little one is growing strong. I am thankful for every second.

My next ultrasound is on Thursday 10/28 at 9:30 AM so I will be able to know for sure that everything is going well. I am still exhausted pretty much all day. It's the worst around 4:00 and continues through the evening. No real nausea, just kind of feel icky around mealtimes where nothing sounds appetizing. Once I eat I feel better but finding something that sounds good to eat can be a challenge.

Another milestone for today: I am wearing maternity pants. Not because I need to but because they are so damn comfortable! Why aren't all pants made like this? I can still fit into most of my clothes (except for ones that were a little tight before just flat out don't fit now) but I just didn't feel like wearing my normal jeans and having the button jab into my belly button all day. I am in denim heaven with these pants. Granted, they are obviously meant for someone with a big belly and I keep having to hike them back up when I walk around but I don't care.

What better way to mark one milestone then with another?

Control

Much like Janet Jackson....

I'm in control.

I went to my endocrinologist today and my A1c was 5.8%. This is the best control I've had over my diabetes ever. To the laymen out there the A1c is a blood test used to determine the average blood sugar levels over a three month (or so) period. The normal range (according to Wikipedia) is 4% to 5.9%. I'm normal? Who knew!

My doctor considers her diabetic patients to be "controlled" when their A1c is 7% or less. Before getting my new pump (with the continuous glucose monitor) my A1c was 7.2%. A few weeks after getting it and using it it was 6.8%. I've had it now for about 3 months and my A1c has dropped down a full percentage point. I gave myself a little pat on the back. Not too shabby.

Next up....sonogram on the 28th!

Video!

Everything went well! It was not a thorough u/s or appointment. I think it was just to check that it was a viable pregnancy (which we are!!!). Everything looked good and there was only one and he made sure to check twice. You can hear him in the video saying that he asked Hope (the u/s tech) twice. The heartrate was 138, which he said was normal and would be beating much faster at our next u/s, which is scheduled for Thursday, October 28th at 9:30 again.





Without further ado, a picture:

6 weeks 5 days!

And a video:

So, lots of appointments coming up in the next few weeks. On Tuesday, October 19th I meet with my endocrinologist (I've had to adjust the settings on my pump quite a few times because my body needs a lot more insulin than normal now). On Thursday, October 28th I go back to my fertility doctor for a second and final ultrasound with them. On Tuesday, November 2nd I go to my regular OB/GYN for a routine OB exam (and hopefully another u/s!). I called the high risk OB and left a message with their nurse (the one who got me the new pump) so I'm sure I'll be going to see them soon as well. That's an appointment a week for the next three weeks. I'm wondering if this is a trend for the next 8 months? We shall see.

The reason I ~YAWN~ haven't been posting

I am exhausted! By about 3:00 PM each day I am so ready for a nap. I have to work to keep my eyes open. This past weekend I had no plans (other than to go to a consignment sale, which I'll post about soon) so I took full advantage of the free time to nap, nap, nap! Best naps I've had in a long time. And did I feel the least bit guilty? Hell no! I enjoyed every snore! Last weekend was spent babysitting. All.weekend.long. I kid you not. But, that money went straight into my savings. Plus, it's easy work. It just sucks not being able to be at home.

Wednesday is the big day! I have good feelings about it. My husband will be there and my mom is coming as well. My appointment is at 9:30am EST and if they allow me to take video of it I will try and post it while I'm at work. I will be 6 weeks and 5 days along so I am crossing everything that can possibly be crossed that we will be able to hear a heartbeat.

Final bloodwork numbers are in...

1321!!!

So far so good! My first ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, October 13th at 9:30 am. Courtney will be able to go and I am crossing everything that a beautiful heartbeat will be at least visible if not audible. I am bringing my camera (which has video, too) with me and am really hoping they will let me use it.

In the meantime I am getting bloodwork done next week for my endocrinologist regarding my thyroid and then I have an appointment with her on October 19th which was already scheduled but happened to work out perfectly because she told me she wants to know the second I find out I was pregnant, which I did...well maybe not the second I found out but soon after. She wanted to ensure my blood sugar was doing ok. I mentioned that I've been having some big spikes after eating and she had me change some settings on my pump, which has helped. At that point I had already cut out heavy carbs from my diet and tried to eat more meat (chicken and turkey...I don't eat red meat or pork) and veggies so that helped, too.

I also have two more pregnancy tests at home to help keep my sanity over the next two weeks.

Repeat bloodwork

I got my results back from today's repeat bloodwork and my number was 383. So far so good! I go back on Monday for another round of bloodwork (last one I think) and then she said we would do a sonogram when I was 6.5 weeks along which would be the second week of October. I don't know if we'll be able to hear a heartbeat at that point but we should hopefully be able to see it flickering. Something we didn't get to see last time.

Oh, and I'm 4 weeks today!

And the news is.....

Good!

I was told that they look for hcg levels to be around 100 and mine was 178. I am beyond happy right now. I go back for more bloodwork on Friday and am to continue on the progesterone supplements. I am having a hard time putting sentences together right now so I'll leave it here. :)

Pins and needles

The blood has been drawn and now I wait. And wait. And wait.

I can't find enough things to do to keep me distracted. This day will go down in history as the longest day ever.

Hope is the reason

I haven't tested yet. I haven't even been tempted to.

How am I able to resist? Why would I want to?

Because of hope.

Right now I have hope. Not a lot. But a little. I can still dream about what the future will bring if this works. If I were to test and have it be negative then all hope would be gone. I like that I still have two more days of hope pulling me forward. It gives me something to look forward to. I'm not ready to give it up.

I go in on Wednesday morning to have blood drawn and hopefully they will call me sooner rather than later with the results. It's going to be a long day. A very long day.

That's it?

Ten minutes.

That's all it took. Ten minutes.

All that anxiety and worry and nervousness over something that was over in ten minutes. Oh well.

Aside from that, everything went well. We dropped off the "sample" at 9 and went out to breakfast. At 11 we went back for the procedure. Both of us were worried that there would be nothing left of the sample after the wash but at least some survived since we went ahead with the IUI.

It was basically a pap smear but instead of them taking a sample, they injected one. I was so surprised at how quick it went. The doctor (not my usual doctor there) noticed the port I have for my insulin pump and started asking a bunch of questions about it. He didn't know much about insulin pumps and I basically gave him a brief tutorial. Courtney joked that we should bill him. I said that we should just call it even. He laughed. We still paid. It was worth a try, right?

Afterwards we came home and took a much needed nap. I was exhausted. The rest of the day and evening I've just been relaxing. The wait begins to test. I go back on the 22nd to have blood drawn and see if this was all worth it. Until then I have to take Prometrium twice a day up the who-ha. Can't wait.

The Night Before the IUI

Twas the night before the IUI, when all through my house
Every creature was anxious, even the mouse.
The shots have been given, in the tummy, with care.
In the hopes that an embryo would implant in there.

The dogs were nestled, all snug in their beds,
While visions of frisbee danced in their heads.
And Courtney in his boxers and I in my gown
He's fast asleep but I can't settle down.

The Office is on, causing such a clatter,
Courtney sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
"Please come to bed and get some needed rest,"
"Soon, " I said even though I knew it was best.

I could go to bed and lie there hour after hour,
And not fall asleep, it's just not in my power.
I'm too excited and nervous and worried and eager,
The sleep I'll get tonight will be little and meager.

Tomorrow begins the next leg of our journey,
Thanks to the powers that be it won't require an attorney.
The shots have been taken and the pills have been popped,
Rain, sleet, snow or hail: I cannot be stopped!

We've been patiently waiting so long for our turn,
In only a few weeks we will finally learn.
On a stick or in a cup I will have to pee,
I just hope Aunt Flo doesn't ruin it for me.

To bed I should go, as it's getting late,
In the morning I have a very important date.
So I'll say one more thing before I log out tonight,
"BABY DUST TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

Green light

I had my first monitoring appointment this morning to check my follicles. I thought the tech said she saw four. Not positive. We tentatively set up our appointment time for the IUI on Wednesday for 11 AM with a 9 AM drop off time for the "sample." I would take the Ovidrel trigger shot tonight (took the Bravelle shot on Saturday...no different than an insulin shot) as well as have "intercourse" and then tomorrow would be a free day. We just had to wait for the confirmation call from the doctor saying we were cleared to go ahead with the IUI.

We got the call!

She mentioned me having three mature follicles, measuring 18 mm (I think it's mm...), 21 mm and 24 mm. Maybe I have four but the fourth one wasn't "mature?" Who knows. So, as planned, we will "clear the pipes" tonight and rest tomorrow and be ready to go on Wednesday. I'm feeling good about this. Really good. All the signs seem to say this is right and it will work. I forgot to ask when I would be able to test but it should fall around the due date I had for my first pregnancy. I'm going to take that as a good sign.

This is happening. This is finally happening.

The post where I rant

Alternatively titled: Mood swings have set in

My husband has to do all of ONE thing for this IUI. ONE. You would think that he could do that without a complaint. But nooooooooooooooooo.

I am taking hormones and shots and popping pills up my bajingo and having blood drawn and getting internal sonograms (fun!). He has to whack it into a cup.

He calls me today to ask what day we are supposed to do the IUI. He's asked this several times before and I've answered him several times before. I DON'T KNOW!!!!! I am not a psychic! He said that Tuesday would not be a good day for him because it will be a "critical day" for him at work. I'll pass that message along to my ovaries. Thanks.

I've told him what the procedure was. I told him that my doctor appointment on Monday was to look at my follicles to see if they were mature. I told him that the IUI would take place anywhere between Tuesday and Friday and that he should let his boss know (like I did) that he will need some time off (not an entire day, just enough to take me to the appointment and back home) on the day of the IUI and that we don't know the exact day yet.

I got a little snippy (ok, and mean) when he mentioned that Tuesday was a "critical day" for him at work. I said that our other option was to get a sperm donor so that he didn't have to be involved at all and he wouldn't have to miss work. I know. I know. Not cool. But I was pissed. Where are his priorities? I told him that if he plans on putting work before family we have a problem. Next week isn't a good time at work for me either because all the kids are coming back to school and I'm really needed in the office but this takes priority and I explained that to my boss.

Ugh. Today was the last day for Clomid so we'll see how I feel tomorrow. To top it off, tomorrow is our fifth anniversary. Should be interesting.

I've got mail!

I got my medications today! The delivery guy called while I was at work so before my dentist appointment I came home to get them off my porch. I'm glad I did because they are supposed to be refrigerated. There were a couple of ice packs in the styrofoam cooler but it was pretty hot out today. I take the Bravelle shot on Saturday so now I am ready! Tomorrow is my last day of Clomid (still not side effects to speak of) and I have Friday off (from medications anyway).

My dentist appointment went well. Surprisingly, I had no cavities! Go me! What I thought was a temporary crown from my root canal was actually a filling and the dentist said if it's not bothering me I don't need a crown to replace it. My wallet thanked him. My teeth feel nice and smooth and I go back in 6 months. I let them know about the drugs I am/will be taking which led to me telling them about the IUI and the lady who cleaned my teeth said she will see me in six months and hopefully I will be pregnant then. I hope so, too.

Clomid - Day 3

No news is good news, right? Well, I have no news. I feel fine. Perhaps I am lucky enough to escape the side effects of Clomid? Other than that, I don't really have anything to write about.

The school year starts tomorrow. We were closed yesterday and today to clean and organize for the upcoming school year. Lots of new kids start tomorrow. Should be a long day. And I have a dentist appointment. Another one of those things I wanted to do before the IUI. I figured I would need x-rays and that would be a no-no during pregnancy, so a last minute, but much needed, appointment it is. I hate going to the dentist and haven't been in a couple years. I take decent care of my teeth but I hate, hate, hate getting them cleaned. And I need a crown to replace the temporary I got after a root canal a couple years ago. Yes, this temporary has lasted a couple of years. I don't know how much my dental insurance covers though. I suppose I will find out tomorrow.

Clomid - Day 2

I'm on day 2 of Clomid and haven't had any real noticeable side effects. I have had some hot flash type moments but I could also attribute that to my cold. Other than that, I'm golden! We'll see how tomorrow treats me.

I heard back from the pharmacy that will be mailing me the other prescriptions (Bravelle, Ovidrel and Prometrium). They were waiting on authorization from my insurance. They told me it could take a few days and I was a little nervous since I take the Bravelle shot on Saturday. But, they called today and the total cost for these medications is $95. Just $95. My jaw nearly hit the floor. Out of pocket it would have cost me over $400 but thankfully my insurance authorized them all for only $95! I should get them on Wednesday.

I let my boss know about the IUI and that I would most likely need a day to a day and a half off next week. Normally I wouldn't tell her about it and just request the day off but September is the start of the school year and she doesn't want people taking off the first month so the kids can get settled and so the office staff is there to help the new families. Thankfully she was understanding and supportive. I was a little nervous about telling her.

Bring on day 3!

It’s a go!

I had my day 3 blood work and sonogram appointment this morning.  My ovaries looked good…no cysts.  Not that I was worried about it, but the tech said that was what she was checking for.  I have my timeline for what will happen through day 11:

Day 3-7    Take 50 mg of Clomid each night

Day 9        75 IU shot of  Bravelle

Day 11      8:00 am appointment for blood work and sonogram

If everything looks good then I would take the trigger shot of Ovidrel, otherwise I would come back the next day and each day thereafter until my follicles are ready.

I was given the prescription for Clomid and was told that I would receive a call this afternoon letting me know if this cycle was a go or not.  By 1:00 I was getting nervous about getting the prescription filled so I went ahead and got it filled.  It was free with my insurance so either way, it didn’t matter if I had waited.  But, as soon as I got home I got the call letting me know that this cycle was a go.  Perfect timing.

While at my appointment this morning I saw the parents of one of my students from last year.  Their son just graduated to the 3 year old class.  I didn’t get to talk to them but I did wave hi.  You just never know who you will run into at the RE!

So, I took my first dose of Clomid earlier and so far so good.  No side effects that I’ve noticed.  I have a wicked cold so aside from being stuffed up, sneezing, coughing, and having a sore throat I feel great!  I asked about any drug interactions with Clomid and she said that the only thing I should avoid is decongestants.  Damn.  The one drug I would like to take right now.  Oh well, I will suffer without complaint.  I think I have some nose strips and vaporub.  That will at least get me through the night.  Hopefully.

Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Timing is everything

As hard as it is to admit sometimes, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I hate that we've had to wait for four years and counting to have a baby, but there is a reason. I hate that I had a miscarriage, but there is a reason. I hate that we can't do this on our own, naturally, but there is a reason.

Waiting is hard on anyone. It tests your patience to the nth degree. I've cried myself to sleep countless nights, waiting. Would I put this kind of weight (no pun intended) on anyone else's shoulders? Absolutely not. There is a reason we have been waiting as long as we have. I may never know the exact reason but I think it has been to give us time to truly be ready. Both emotionally and physically.

One of the most difficult things I've gone through emotionally and physically, has been my miscarriage. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. It's been almost two years and it is still very hard to think about without tearing up. I would trade anything in the world to have that baby in my arms right now. That baby would be turning one this September. Hard to believe, right? But, I can't turn back time and change things. I have to accept things the way they are and move on. I am using it as a learning experience. It has opened my eyes to see that I wasn't ready yet. It caught me off guard completely. My blood sugar wasn't under strict control. I wasn't working with my doctors closely, hell, I didn't even have an OB/GYN. Well, I did but he was too far from my house to keep on as my regular doctor (he was closer to my last job). I was not prepared. At all.

Now I have an OB/GYN that I like and that is close to home and works with the hospital I want to deliver at. Well, ideally I wouldn't have to deliver at a hospital but because of my diabetes I'm pretty sure it's necessary. I am working closely with my endocrinologist to ensure my blood sugar is under control as well as my thyroid. She told me at my last appointment that she wants me to call her the second I find out I'm pregnant because she wants to make sure everything is perfect regarding my blood sugar and thyroid. My RE referred my to a doctor who specializes in maternal and fetal medicine, basically they work with high risk pregnancies. I feel confident in my support group of doctors and nurses.

In a way I am glad that we have to get assistance in getting pregnant. It will allow me to plan better. I will know exactly when everything will happen. It won't be left up to chance. I started spotting today and I think it's the first time EVER that I have been happy about my period starting. I think I may have even said, "YAY!" So, starting today I am being super careful about what I eat and I'm watching my blood sugar like a hawk. The continuous glucose monitor has been a blessing. I have much better control now. I still get occasional lows and highs but because I know about them, they don't last as long.

Once I begin a full flow day (possibly today but most likely tomorrow) I will call the doctor's office to set up my day 3 appointment to begin monitoring my ovaries. I believe that they said I would take Clomid, too. Once my follicles are mature I would take a trigger shot to release them and ovulate and then do the IUI the next day. I can't believe we are finally doing this. And to sweeten the pot, we were approved to do 6 IUI cycles, good until next August. I'm still waiting for the cost information in the mail but we may just use those 6 tries before we resort to IVF. Not sure yet if it will make sense financially.

I am just happy to finally be moving forward. I've waited a long time for this and I feel more than ready.

Approval

Everyone seeks approval. At some point in your life, either consciously or subconsciously you seek approval. Whether it's from your parents or from your friends or from your boss, you seek it. You want to be accepted.

For the last 3-4 weeks I've been anxiously awaiting approval from my insurance company. Every day when I came home from work I'd cautiously approach the mailbox with baited breath. "Is the approval letter here?" "Do we finally get to move on to the next step?"

And every day my anxious smile would fade and my hopes dashed. Nope. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. But tomorrow would come and once again, no dice.

The financial lady at my RE office told me it could take up to 4 weeks and as it's been getting dangerously close to 4 weeks, each day has become more and more tortuous. Well, I have had enough. I put my foot down. I called my insurance company this morning.

We have been approved.

And apparently it was dated on the 9th or 10th of August. I asked about a letter being mailed to me and she said something along the lines of my doctor would just call to verify the approval. Seems a little backwards, but whatever. We are approved and that's all that matters.

I called and left a message with the financial lady to let her know and to have her call me with what our cost is going to be. Hopefully she will call back today but if she doesn't that's ok. I can wait.

Your estimated wait time....5 weeks.

I finally had a follow up phone call with my doctor to discuss the possibility of doing an IUI. He said he wanted to do IVF because it was more controlled (less likely to have multiples) and because once they do the sperm wash he was afraid there would be none left. I said I am not going into it with extremely high hopes but I wanted to at least try it because it was more affordable (my insurance covers 50%). He was ok with that. I was told that the next step was to call on day one of my next cycle. I got off the phone finally feeling like we were moving forward. I was excited.

My nurse called and left a message later that day letting me know what the protocol would be and that I should call the financial lady to find out what my cost would be. I decided to do that today. Come to find out it takes up to 4 weeks to get authorization from my insurance.

Well that just sucks. Big time.

I was all excited to get the ball rolling on this, especially since my period should be here in a week or so. Damn. On the up side, it gives us a little more time to set aside the money for this and I can get done everything I wanted to get done before the procedure like getting my highlights done and finishing a tattoo that I started 3 years ago. Nothing terribly important, but stuff I won't be able to do while pregnant. Now I have a little more time to do it.

Gotta look on the bright side, right?

Decisions, Decisions

Our follow up appointment was this morning. It was devestational to say the least. We walked out of there feeling completely hopeless. How in the hell can we ever afford this? IVF with ICSI will cost $11,000. But that doesn't include medication. And medication starts at $4,500.

Yes, starts at.

It could cost as much as $7,500. So we are talking about paying almost $20,000. We don't have $11,000, much less $20,000. And of course, my insurance (or my husband's) doesn't cover a dime. There are a few options for us though.

They have a shared help thingy (I think it's kind of like a scholarship/grant type thing) but I have to see if we qualify. We might make too much money. But with Courtney being laid off for 6 months last year we may qualify after all. That could help out from 10%-50%. Plus they offer financing. My parents, Courtney's mom, and my aunt have all offered to help out financially and as much as I HATE to ask for money from anyone, we may have to do just that. Even if it isn't enough for the entire procedure, we could always finance the rest. Plus, I've been looking into other types of financing online that is specific to IVF.

Dammit, we will find a way.

I forgot to ask about the possibility of doing an IUI. I called on my lunch break and left a message with my nurse about doing it but haven't heard back yet. I think we may try to increase Courtney's sperm count with accupuncture, vitamins and diet/exercise and then try an IUI in a few months. I've also brought up adoption. The cost may end up being the same as IVF but with IVF if it doesn't work then we are out all that money with nothing to show for it. With adoption we may have to wait longer but in the end we will have a child. Ugh. So many things to consider.

Verdict

We have been sentenced to IVF.

I called my nurse yesterday morning to see if my second bloodwork and my husband's semen analysis results had come in. They had. My bloodwork was fine and was given the OK to go ahead with a pregnancy but my husband's semen analysis was not good. Low count, low motility and only 3% were formed correctly. The doctor had made a note that IVF was recommended. We go back for another follow up appointment on Tuesday July 6th at 8:00 am. I'm guessing we'll discuss what the steps are for IVF and what to expect.

All I know is that we can't afford it. They do offer financing but even with that comes monthly payments which would really stretch our already limited funds. On a happier note, I got a promotion at work. I am now the Assistant Director. I don't know what the new pay is but I know it's not going to be too much more than what I'm making now. I am still working my part time job at the baby superstore and I'm hoping to use my paycheck from there (which is really just extra money to put towards bills or to get my hair or nails done) and save it to put towards the IVF since my insurance doesn't cover any of it. Hopefully our appointment on the 6th will ease some of our stress about money. Probably not but a girl can hope, can't she?

Losing weight

I've lost some weight recently.

Not so much weight off my belly or thighs (although I did lose some off my belly and thighs, too) but off my shoulders.

It's been a whirlwind of doctor's appointments lately but I had the best one yesterday. I went to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist to discuss my diabetes and how it would/could affect pregnancy. During my appointment the nurse mentioned that she believes that my insurance now covers continuous glucose monitors. I seriously wanted to hug this woman. I had checked with my insurance before about this and at that point they didn't cover it. I was over the moon estatic hearing this news. She said that she would call the Medtronic rep and take care of everything for me and that I should hear something by today.

I just got off the phone with a lady from Medtronic and I am 100% covered! I'm so giddy I can't even contain myself! I get a new insulin pump and the continuous glucose monitor is built into it. I just need to wear a sensor on my stomach. I had a choice of 5 colors: clear, blue, smoke, purple (which I have currently) and pink. I chose pink. They just have to obtain authorization from my insurance and then it will be mailed to me. I'll have to get some training on how to use it but it shouldn't be too hard. ]

This is what it looks like (except it will be bubble gum pink!):

This little device will be such a weight off my shoulders. When (notice how I used when and not if) I get pregnant again I will feel more confident about my control. This is perfect timing because it looks as if we will be going to be doing an IUI next cycle.

I had my initial visit with the RE and then went in for my Day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound this past Saturday. I had a mock embryo transfer (to measure the angle and depth of my cervix and uterus and the thickness of my uterine lining) today as well as some more bloodwork because my prolactin was a little elevated and my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was just above normal and they really want that to be perfect. They said that they just wanted to test it again to see if it was just a fluke or if we need to address it. I'm hoping it was a fluke. But if not it shouldn't be difficult to correct. Courtney is doing his semen analysis on Friday and I believe that is the extent of our appointments for now. We just have to wait and see what the results are.

Progress

While it's not huge progress, it's still progress nonetheless.

I had my annual Ob/Gyn appointment earlier this week. I had been putting it off. At my last appointment after my miscarriage my doctor said that I wouldn't need to come back until my annual exam or hopefully sooner if I got pregnant. I was really hoping it would be sooner. No such luck.

The exam went fine and then we discussed some options regarding infertility. I mentioned that we wanted to go back to the RE but needed to have her call my insurance to get an authorization. I had paid $32 to have all my records sent to this new office and just needed for them to call...at least that is what I was told by my insurance company.

Long story short, I didn't need to do anything to go back to the RE. I only need authorization for treatment, not diagnosis. So we go back for a long overdue follow up appointment on June 3rd. I'm sure we will have to repeat a few tests since it's been a year and a half since our initial consultation.

My Ob/Gyn wants me to see a maternal fetal specialist to discuss my diabetes and how it might affect my pregnancy. I haven't set up that appointment yet but will probably wait until after the RE appointment. I believe that they had referred me to the same place so I wanted to double check at our appointment on June 3rd.

On the foster care front, we've basically just put that on hold for now. As selfish as it sounds, I really want a child of my own. I do. Eventually we want to do foster care but for our first child we want it to be a little piece of each of us.

So, finally I feel we are on our way.

Tomorrow...

It's my favorite word.

Bills? I'll pay them tomorrow.

Foster care paperwork in the mail? I'll send it tomorrow.

Laundry? I'll do it tomorrow.

Grocery shopping? Tomorrow.

Update my blog? I'll get to it tomorrow.

But when tomorrow comes, my favorite word rears it's ugly head. I'll do it tomorrow. I just can't seem to get my ass in gear to get things done TODAY. I want to. I have the intent to. It just never happens.

A few months ago I called my previous OB/GYN to have my medical records transferred to my current OB/GYN so that she would have all the test results and could call my insurance to get an authorization to see a fertility specialist. This was back in January/February. All I had to do was pay the $31.52 online and the records would be sent. Simple, right? I just paid it this past week. It took me 2 months to pay it. Not because I didn't have the money or that I didn't want to do it, I just kept putting it off. I don't know why. Well, it's paid now and I'm just waiting for the records to be sent so that we can finally get this ball rolling again.

I can't believe it's been over a year since my miscarriage. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it or think that I should have a baby now. A baby who would be turning one in September. A baby that just wasn't meant to be.

Now that's a lot of snow!

If you haven't heard, the east coast got hit with quite a bit of snow. Where I am at in Maryland we got over 2 feet. I was all prepared for a weekend (and maybe an extra day or two if my work was closed) being snowed in. I went to the store and stocked up on the necesseties (Fritos, Diet Cherry Pepsi, toilet paper, etc) and with the Superbowl on Sunday it was going to be a nice weekend in.

This is where it gets good. Or not so good I guess.

On Friday night my husband and I got into a fight and I throw the remote at him. Well, he's standing by the television. I have terrible aim. I hit the television.

Wonderful.

It works but there is a huge crack like thing in the middle of the screen. And from the research I've done online it looks like it would cost more to fix it than to replace it (it's an LCD HDtv) so we decided to buy a new one. Normally we would just go to the store the next day and buy a new one. But there is over 2 feet of snow outside and no plows in sight. Plus, I don't think Best Buy was open anyway.

This is a view of our street. I put a bunch of pictures from the strom on my other blog.

Which brings us to today. My husband shoveled out our street so that we could get to Best Buy to buy a new television. Which we did. And now we are ready for the Superbowl. And I'm letting him hold the remote.

Ask and you shall receive!

Ok, so since several of you asked about my DELICIOUS (yes, I am partial) macaroni and cheese I thought I would bless you with my recipe.  I originally found it online but tweaked it a little.  Without further ado, here is my recipe for macaroni and cheese.

The Best Mac & Cheese EVER!

1 Tbs  Olive Oil

1 (16 oz) package rigatoni

8 Tbs butter (1 stick)

4 cups shredded cheese (any kind you like)

1 1/2 cups half and half

16 oz Velveeta cheese

2 eggs, beaten

salt and pepper to taste

Optional:  Seasoned bread crumbs and extra shredded cheese for topping

 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C)

 

Bring a large pot of slightly salted water to a boil.  Add olive oil.

Add the pasta.  You can use any kind of pasta you want.  Cook according to package directions.  

I like rigatoni.

While the pasta is cooking I make the cheese sauce.  You can do it this way or just make the pasta and then make the cheese sauce after it’s done.  Either way, cube up the Velveeta.

In a medium saucepan melt the Velveeta cubes.

Next you will add your shredded cheese.  I used Cheddar and Cheddar Jack.  You can be a little fancier and use Mozzarella, Monterey Jack, Muenster, etc. 

Dump all 4 cups into the saucepan and stir occasionally.

Add the half and half.  Keep stirring.

Add the eggs.  Keep stirring.

Add salt and pepper to taste.  Once all the cheese is melted the sauce is done.  Set aside but stir occasionally.

Once the pasta is done cooking, drain well and return to the pot.  Cut up the stick of butter.

Toss it in the pot.  You can leave the heat off since the heat from the pasta and the pot will usually melt the butter fairly quickly.

Once the butter is melted put it in a 13x9 greased glass baking dish.

Although the cheese sauce looks good enough to eat as it is it will need to be poured over the noodles.

Like so.  Mix up the noodles and cheese so everything is nice and covered with the cheesy goodness.

If you want to you can sprinkle some extra cheese and breadcrumbs on the top.

Like so.  Now it’s ready to cook for about 35 minutes.  It should be hot and bubbling and you will have to have someone hold you back because it will be too hard to not jump in the oven and eat it.

Like so.

I just finished making mine and it is nice and cooled off so I’m outta here!  Enjoy!

Playing catch up

It seems it’s my favorite game.  Since I’m always playing it and all.  It never feels as if I’m ever caught up.  In my head I have quite a few posts that never quite materialized on here.  I have over 500 pictures on my camera that haven’t made it onto my computer.  There is money in my bank account that hasn’t quite made it to my credit card companies yet.  I have paperwork to mail out but it sits on my coffee table gathering dust.  What is my deal?  I don’t know if its lack of motivation or what but I seriously need to get my butt in gear.

So, in an effort (small as it may be) to get caught up here is a catch up post on what’s been going on with me.  There will be no rhyme or reason to any of it, just what spews forth from my fingers as I type.  So here goes:

• I think I am depressed.  I’m afraid to see anyone about it because I think it might affect me negatively if we pursue adoption in the future.  It was on the medical form that had to be filled out for the foster care application.  Lately I’ve been feeling pretty good but there have been some really low points.
• We are this (imagine my thumb and forefinger about an inch apart) close to mailing off the foster care paperwork.  I just need to fill in some credit card info (what debts we have) and I need to find out if my insurance will cover an adopted child with special needs.  I’ve been putting it off (mailing it) for various reasons.  One was because Courtney was out of work for awhile (he’s back now, thank goodness) and the other was me just holding out hope that we wouldn’t need to mail it in.  I’m not holding out hope for that anymore.  It WILL be mailed out this week.
• We’ve talked about going back to the infertility clinic to do an IUI.  I’ve been playing phone tag with my previous OB/GYN to have my medical records (all the infertility tests I had done) to my new OB/GYN (they only have records of my pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage).  I finally have the correct form to fill out and mail back.  Once the new doctor has my medical records I can have them call my insurance for authorization.  Can this be a bigger pain in my ass?  I think not.
• Tonight, at work, I registered the DUMBEST person I think I’ve ever met in my entire life.  On the form there are two lines for your address…Address Line 1 and Address Line 2.  Someone with an IQ of at least 75 or higher would probably be able to figure out how to fill it out but this genius had to ask what it meant.  Once I explained it to her she asked me how to spell her street name.   She then had to ask her friend what city and state she lived in.  Yeah, this person is going to be responsible for a human life.  I pity her unborn child.
• I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the first time this year.  It was just me and my husband (long story about a fight with my brother) and it turned out perfect.  I gave myself a huge pat on the back for that one.        This turkey sat in our freezer for two years but let me tell you, it was delicious!

Courtney carving the bird.  I made the jammie pants he’s wearing.  He’s a carpenter, hence all the tools.

Our table.  The flash really washes out the pretty green walls in the kitchen.  Well, I think they are pretty.

Homemade mac and cheese.  My favorite.  I made this instead of mashed potatoes.  If I had the ingredients I’d make this right this second. SOOOOO GOOOD!

Stuffing from scratch.

I’m thinking about keeping a tray like this in the fridge at all times.  Better than chips and cookies I’m sure.

Homemade gravy.

Cornbread from scratch. 

Canned cranberry sauce.  I can’t help it.  I prefer the canned stuff.  I was going to make it myself but the store didn’t have any cranberries.

 

The plates were off our wedding registry.  I absolutely love them.  Each one has a different image on it.  The angel hitchhiking to heaven is my favorite while the Golden Gate bridge is my husband’s favorite.

• For Christmas we called a truce and went over my parents house to open some presents and eat dinner.  I didn’t really talk to my brother but everything went ok.  I got Beatles Rockband (the only thing I really wanted) and I got my husband Just Dance for Wii.  Such a fun game.  And good exercise I might add. 

Our dogs love Christmas.  They open presents.  Seriously.

Courtney playing Just Dance.

My dad couldn’t get enough of this game.  Way too funny.  And my mom told me he was sore as hell the next day.

My mom tried it once.

My youngest brother (not the one I haven’t been getting along with) even did it once.  I couldn’t talk him into doing it again.  I think he got video on his phone of me doing it but hopefully I’ll never see that footage. 

 

Well, that’s about as much as I can think of right now.  I don’t think I’m fully caught up yet but I’m closer than I was an hour ago.