Keeping my sanity

People have many ways to maintain their sanity.  The constant waiting and wondering you experience during infertility is a true test of patience. 

 

Some people do yoga.

Some people go running.

Some people meditate.

Me?

Well, I draw beards and mustaches on the kids in my class.

We were calling him Hobo Joe.

So, when we were outside, I told him to go under the rock climbing thingy and hold his hand out.  How could you not give your spare change to a hobo as cute as this???

And so today, I stayed sane.  Overall, a good day.

Him

I always thought the man I married would be my rock.

He was supposed to be someone I could turn to in my darkest hour and find comfort.

He was going to be understanding and sympathetic.

Instead, as I lay crying my eyes out next to him because I told him that he never acknowledged my due date when it passed, he says, "What did you want me to do? Give you a card? Tell you Happy Dead Baby Day?"

I'm still stunned. I'm still hurt. I still can't believe that those words came out of his mouth. How can someone be so hurtful and downright mean?

The anniversary of his father's death is coming up on November 1st. I'm wondering how he would feel about a "Happy Dead Dad Day" card? I'll have to check Hallmark to see if they have one but I believe that is one card they won't have.

Gentlemen, start your engines!

An old friend of my husband’s works for a Nascar racing team.  Kyle Busch, to be exact.  He stopped by last weekend and this beast had been parked outside our house for several days.

I believe that Nos is the main sponsor for Kyle Busch and my husband’s friend basically said he gets paid to throw parties.  

Now, I’m not a Nascar fan but he offered us a chance to go to a race and be on the infield.  So, a “hell yes!” was in order. 

We drove to Dover, DE early on Saturday morning to get there by 7:30 AM.  After getting to the hotel and getting settled we headed back out with his friend and headed onto the speedway.  I can now say that I have driven (well, I was in the car…that counts, right?) on an actual racetrack.  It was pretty cool. 

The giant Nos bus/mansion on wheels was parked on the infield and we helped set it up for party.    The people who came mostly worked for Nos corporate or Sunoco, who is another sponsor I believe.

  

Since it was early, we entertained ourselves while we waited for others to arrive.

They had set out Scrabble and Yahtzee, but I don’t think anyone actually played.  They mostly indulged in the free food and booze.

Before the race (which I found out later wasn’t the actual race, but a minor league race or something to that effect…the big race was on Sunday) we got a chance to meet Kyle Busch.

You know…this guy?  Don’t worry, I had no idea who he was either. 

But, he was awfully cute and an overall nice guy.  At least, from what I saw in the 10 minutes he was there.  And since I’ve met him and he was so awfully cute, I now had to root for him to win.  Besides, I didn’t really know much (or anything) about any of the other drivers.

The race didn’t start until 3 so it was a LONG day of waiting.  We watched the time trials.  They had these handheld tv thingys with headphones so you could listen to what was going on.

   

After the time trials there was a whole lot of nothing going on.  I was beat from being up since 5 AM and all I wanted was a nap.  Unfortunately there was nowhere to do so.  I was surrounded by drunken idiots and your typical redneck butt cracks.

By about 2:30 I could hardly keep my eyes open so I threw in the towel and went back to the hotel to take a much needed nap.  I had intended to come back to catch at least some of the race but it was such a pain in the rear to get back to the hotel that there was no way I was up to doing it again to go back.

I got a ride on a golf cart to the crossover bridge from a very nice gentleman but first he took me (and Courtney went with me back to the hotel) through the driver’s buses/mansions on wheels.  I had no idea that they stayed on the infield.  I would have thought that they would be staying in a fancy hotel.  He pointed out various driver’s buses but only a few names rang a bell.

  This one belonged to Dale Earnhardt Jr.  I did recognize that name.

After being dropped off at the crossover bridge they began introducing the drivers and I think what I was taking pictures of was an exhibition before the race.  I’m not sure.

I think this was Tony Stewart.  I’m ashamed to admit that I know this because of those cheesy Burger King commercials.

After leaving the speedway, we had to walk back to the hotel and I think it was about a mile or so.  We were supposed to have another golf cart waiting on the other side of the crossover bridge but we couldn’t find it so we had to walk.

The long walk definitely solidified the fact that I wasn’t going back to the race.  I was beat.  I fell asleep and stayed asleep until they came back around 7:30.  And I could have slept longer.  I would have loved to catch some of the race but oh well.  Maybe we’ll have another opportunity again someday

D Day

It came.

And it went.

It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be.  I was expecting to be unable to get out of bed.  I was expecting to be crying all day, thinking of nothing but the baby that should have been in my arms.

Instead I kept busy.  We woke up at 6:30 am to go to a flea market in Baltimore.  It was an all day event and we stayed there until after 3:00 pm.  We made almost $160 for selling the crap out of our basement.  I also sold a few of the items I made and gave out a lot of business cards so hopefully I’ll sell a few more soon.

Afterwards we went out with the friends who did the flea market with us and got crabs with our days earnings, followed by ice cream.  Yummy.

To top off the day we went to the movies to see 9.   Really good movie.  I’m not a huge science fiction fan but I enjoyed this movie.

By the time we got home I was exhausted.  I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before and since I’d been up since 6:30 and gotten quite sunburned on my chest and right arm, I could barely keep my eyes open.  I had no problems getting to sleep.

So, I’ve learned that a busy mind is less likely to wander.  Not that I didn’t think about it at all.  I definitely did.  I just felt more peaceful about it than I had been feeling in the last few weeks.

I still feel more at peace now.  I feel as though a weight has been lifted.  I’m not dreading my impending due date anymore.  It’s over.  It’s done.  It came and I survived.

Back home again

Although our vacation was much too short, it was just what I needed.  I needed to be out of this house.  Away from work.  Away from my life.

I actually had fun.  I enjoyed spending time alone with my husband.  I enjoyed just being. 

As soon as we got our stuff settled in our room we headed down to the beach.  Well, it was more than a room.  It was a suite!  It was really nice.  Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, dining room and a full kitchen.  We are so thankful for the gift.  I’m trying to come up with something nice to give back to her as a thank you.

The weather wasn’t great but it could’ve been worse.  It was overcast and in the 70’s on Friday and Saturday and finally on Sunday it was sunny and in the 80’s.  But we stayed inside to catch the Raven’s game (first win of the season!). 

 

We stayed in the building on the left on the second floor on the left side.  We could see the ocean from the balcony.

The water wasn’t too cold.  Not warm enough for swimming (not that I would be caught dead in a bathing suit anyway) but just right for getting my feet wet.  I usually go for deep reds but I thought that the turquoise would be a fun change.

Courtney tried so hard to get his kite to fly but he just wasn’t having much luck.  There was plenty of wind…until we got on the beach.

I think at this point his kite needed CPR.

He finally got it to fly after we got off the beach.

I have a confession to make.  I was born and raised in Maryland.  Just outside of Annapolis nonetheless.  And I have never eaten crabs before.  If you aren’t familiar with Maryland than it’s not such a shock but crabs are a Maryland staple.  I’m 30 years old and it’s high time I at least tried them.  Let me tell you….they are DELICIOUS!  I’ve had crab dip and crab soup before and I love them but I really liked eating just the crabs alone.  Our waitress was nice enough to show us how to “pick” them. 

Although they are a little pricey, they were so yummy.  We will definitely have them again.

After dinner we took a walk on the boardwalk.  We browsed the cheesy souvenir stores.  We got some boardwalk ice cream.  And we rode the ferris wheel.

The next day we drove up to Rehobeth Beach, DE.  It’s not too much different than Ocean City but it was something to do.

 

We had breakfast (although it was probably close to 2:00) at a little diner.  Can you tell Courtney was getting annoyed with my picture taking?

They even had the syrup on the table a la Rain Man.  I didn’t get pancakes though.  I got french toast and it was yummy.

The rest of the evening was pretty low key.  We walked the boardwalk again and afterwards  we decided (well, it was my idea) to go back to our room and play a drinking game.  We watched Half Baked and every time Jim Breuer said “man” we took one drink.  Every time they smoked pot we took two drinks.  And any time Sir Smoke Alot was on you had to finish your beer.  We couldn’t even make it through the entire movie.  I had to throw in the towel first but Courtney didn’t last much longer than I did.  All in all, it was a fun night.

Again, we stayed in this afternoon to catch the game and left as soon as it was over.     

Now that we’re back I am trying so hard not to fall in my usual ruts.  I don’t want to mope around the house anymore.  I don’t want to feel depressed anymore.  With my due date coming up this Saturday it is going to be an extremely hard task but I am going to really try.

Zoo

So, I’ve been lacking in the post department.  I don’t really have anything interesting to post about and I’m pretty sure no one wants to hear about the depressing things going through my head.  I know I don’t.  But I don’t get much of a choice in that matter.

So, instead I offer you some pictures from a trip to the zoo we took a few weeks ago for my husband’s birthday.  I played hooky from work and we hopped on the metro to DC and went to the national zoo.  Aside from the painful flip flop blisters I got (new flip flops + a lot of walking = really stupid idea) we had a really nice time.

They were in the middle of construction on a trail through the entire zoo for the elephants to use.  

This lady just sat and watched the panda bears on the monitors.  And we just watched her.  I don’t think I’d want this job.

I don’t remember what this animal was called but it looked like a giant guinea pig.

There were several spiders in this exhibit and there were no walls or enclosure of any kind.  A little creepy.  They were big spiders.

We are headed to the beach this weekend for a much needed but all too short vacation.  Since Courtney was laid off he’s been picking up a lot of side work that has kept us afloat.  One lady he’s been working for has been nice enough to offer us her time share in Ocean City this weekend and we gladly accepted.  I haven’t been to Ocean City in at least 6 or 7 years so it will be nice to go back.