Breaking point

How do you know when you've reached yours? Is there a sign? Is it a feeling? Or is it just a series of events that make you just snap and scream, "I've had enough!"? I don't think I've reached my breaking point yet but I don't think I've been any closer than I am right now.

My husband lost his job last week. He works for a small (a husband and wife run it out of their home) company that does remodels, additions, decks, etc. They don't have any work. They might if they advertise but they prefer to use word of mouth for their advertising. Well, there are no mouths wording anything right now so they should really rethink that plan. They are idiots and I can't help but thinking that. I could go on and on about how much I don't like them but I'll keep it to myself.

While Courtney will get unemployment, it doesn't even cover our mortgage payment. He has a couple of side jobs that will pay cash lined up but I don't know what will happen after that. He is hoping that they will secure a job or two soon and call him back to work. I think he should start looking for a new job. Like, yesterday. They've been talking about laying everyone off for a few weeks. That's when I would have started looking for a new job. But that's just me.

Due in part to Courtney being out of work and to the sheer fact that I couldn't really afford it in the first place, I've stopped my acupuncture treatments. Although I didn't get the end result that I wanted out of them, I do believe I benefited from them. I'm eating healthier and overall I do feel better. Hopefully I'll be able to start them again soon.

So, of course it figures that when I'm the most frustrated and stressed I am unable to go to acupuncture to help alleviate it. Which, in turn, makes me more frustrated and stressed. It's a vicious circle.

My feelings of bitterness and jealousy are on the rise again. The acupuncture helped with that but now, because of our situation I can't control those feelings as much. I really have to bite my tongue when I'm at work (not teaching...my other job). Take yesterday, for instance.

I think every low life in the great state of Maryland came out of the wood works yesterday. I was listening to one girl and her mom go on and on about how utterly disappointed they were that they were told by someone earlier that we carried Classic Pooh bedding and then found out that we didn't. They were just so upset about it. I was starting to feel a little bad that they were misinformed but I got over it quite quickly when the girl pulled out a cigarette as she was getting ready to leave. I just stared, open mouthed, at her cigarette and blandly wished her a good evening. Under my breath I wished her a nasty bout with emphysema. Ignorant bitch.

Later on I was talking to a guy who can only be described as "Cletus." Seriously, do a google image search for the word "Cletus" and that's him. All I could think about was that this slack-jawed yokel gets to have a baby....really? REALLY? Him? He can't even speak because of his f-ed up teeth! He was too lazy to even lift his feet when he walked (Or maybe he might have had some sort of disability or something. I don't know and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.). I just couldn't stop staring at him and his beast of a girlfriend/wife/whatever and thinking, "Why them?".

Ugh.

I'm too disgusted with people and probably more so, myself to remember anymore. And believe me, there were more.

And I promise to let you know if and when I do reach my breaking point. That way you have ample time to find the nearest bomb shelter. Or at least duck and cover.

Bed in

Hello, My Love,

So, after a bit of a scare yesterday, I've decided to take it easy today. Let me back it up a bit so you know what happened. Your dad and I went to the mall yesterday to see a movie and spent a few hours walking around before it started. We had been there for about hour or so when I went to use the bathroom and saw more spotting and this time it was more red than brown. Still no cramping, but it scared me nonetheless. I figured it was from all the walking around so after the movie we went home and I stayed off my feet for the rest of the night. The spotting continued but did dwindle down and went back to brown by the end of the night.

Fast forward to today and it is now 5:10 PM and I am still in bed. Other than using the bathroom and grabbing some food from the kitchen that is where me and your dad have been all day. Kind of like John and Yoko but without the political message attached. Your dad hasn't been feeling too hot so he was planning on spending the day in bed anyway so everything just worked out this way. I had some more reddish spotting this morning but it's seemed to have stopped. At least for now. I just keep telling myself that I only have a few more days to finally see what's going on.

So what have we done all day? Well, there really isn't much to do other than watch tv. We've watched a marathon of To Catch a Predator. Those guys are such idiots. And almost every one says the same damn thing - "I was just coming over here to talk." Meanwhile, they have a pocketful of condoms and lube, a bag of alcohol and camera in their pocket. So pathetic.

I'm about to start our taxes online to get an idea of what to expect. I'm still waiting for the tax forms from my IRA and my money market account. I'm hoping that since both have taken a HUGE beating I will get a nice tax refund. Wishful thinking I'm sure. After we get all the forms in we'll take it to H&R Block to see what they come up with. Then we compare it to what we got online and decide which is the better way to go. We might get more with H&R Block but depending on how much they charge us it may make more sense to do it online. We'll just have to wait and see.

Back to our regularly scheduled Bed In.

Hello, My Love,

It looks like I get to see you sooner than we thought. My doctor wants me to come in next week (on Wednesday 2/4) rather than in two weeks (on Friday 2/13). I really hope I get to see you. I'm not sure if I can handle it if you weren't in there anymore. Think positive thoughts, right?

Your dad won't be able to make it to this appointment unfortunately. I'm sad and hurt but he has to work and can't (or won't) get out of it. I really wanted him to be there for this first appointment. I didn't care about him making it for any other appointment but this one was the BIG one. The one that really mattered. We've worked so hard and waited so long to get to this point and he chooses work. He said he doesn't appreciate the guilt trip I've given him (I am guilty there) and that he really wants to be there but he has to work that day. He can't get out of it. I think, more than anything, I want him there in case we get bad news. I don't think I can hear it alone.

What the hell?

Hello, My Love,

It's almost time for Lost, so obviously, I don't have much time to write.

I don't know what it is you are doing in there but you're scaring the crap out of me, so if you could please stop, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

From what I've learned from one of the nurses at my OB/GYN's office, it's probably a subchorionic bleed (http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/complications/subchorionic-bleeding.aspx). I've been spotting on and off since Saturday and am starting to get a little worried. I called the office today, but because of the weather (snow with a layer of ice on top...fun!) the office was closed. I did get to talk to one of the nurses though and she said that's what it sounded like. I'm calling them back again tomorrow to see if I should come in to be on the safe side. I don't want to spend the next two weeks watching the seconds tick by.

Seeing as how I don't really have too many symptoms to speak of, I can't really tell if they all of the sudden disappear. On a positive note, I don't have any cramping and the spotting is only when I wipe. Sorry, I know you don't really want to hear about your mother wiping but you'll just have to deal with it.

Ok, so on a Lost note...our stupid DVR has been a royal piece of shyte lately so last week during the season premiere of Lost it decided to freeze up. Talk about pissed off! Luckily I was watching it, just on a delay. I missed about 15-20 minutes of it so I am just tickled pink that they are rerunning the second half of the premiere before the new episode tonight! That's where the DVR froze up so I am stoked. Anyway....off to watch Lost!