So I realize that it's been about 4 months since I've posted anything and I basically left anyone who doesn't know me in real life (or on facebook) hanging. Sorry! I'd blame it on being a new mom but honestly, I've just been lazy. I know, I know...same old excuse. So rather than just tell you right away if it was a girl or a boy I figure you've waited this long, what's a few more paragraphs?
I was scheduled for induction at 39 weeks on Tuesday May 24th at 7:00 PM. They were to start me on Cytotec (the same drug I took after my miscarriage...you can read about it here) to help soften my cervix. At that point I was not dilated whatsoever, the baby had not descended at all and my cervix was still hard. On Wednesday morning they began the pitocin. I was still planning a natural (as natural as an induced birth could get anyway) birth and had no pain meds at all on Wednesday. LONGEST DAY EVER.
That pitocin is a bitch. By the end of the day I had awful back labor so even in between the contractions (which were coming every few minutes) I had horrible back pain. All this for almost no progress. The baby had dropped a little but that was it. I felt so defeated. They took me off the pitocin at 8:00 PM to let me eat and rest for the night. We were going to do it all over again on Thursday with the promise that there would be a baby by the end of the day.
Courtney and I talked about just going forward with a c-section because I was so exhausted and didn't think I could do another day of pain only to end up doing a c-section. We talked to the nurse and doctor and they talked us into going for it. The told us about using stadol for pain relief. In the morning I was rested (somewhat) and had eaten dinner (Chick-fil-A...yummy!) so I felt up for another day of fun. They started the pitocin back up and by 10:00 AM the pain was unbearable. While I went to the bathroom, Courtney called the nurse in to administer the stadol. In the bathroom I saw some blood when I wiped and got a little worried but the nurse said it was normal. I then got on the birthing ball (which helped a lot the day before) and after a few minutes felt like I was bleeding. I pulled myself up a bit and realized it wasn't blood. My water was breaking. Let me tell you, I thought I was peeing myself. Such a weird feeling. It just kept coming and coming. I got off the ball and stood up and it just kept flowing. There is nothing more humbling than standing there with your ass hanging out and what looks like pee going all over the floor. After that, I got back in the bed (with a giant pad under me) and they finally administered the stadol. Now that was some interesting stuff. I felt like I was floating on clouds. But, I was able to rest so I was happy.
The stadol lasted about an hour and a half and I was in need of another dose. The problem was that they could only give it to me every three hours. I powered through the next hour and a half and got the next shot but it just wasn't cutting it. I was miserable and exhausted and defeated because at this point I still had not made any progress. I gave in and got the epidural. I am glad I did. It wasn't what I thought it would be. I thought I would have no feeling at all but I was still able to move my legs and feet but the contractions were no longer painful. After an hour or two they checked my progress and I had dilated to 3 cm. I couldn't believe it. In another couple of hours I was fully dilated and ready to push. It happened so fast I didn't have time to get scared, I just started pushing.
Fast forward to oh...FOUR HOURS LATER and I was still pushing. The head was turned the wrong way and was getting stuck. I was so tired. I tried so hard to push the baby out but it just wasn't happening. They wanted to do a c-section. I agreed. I wasn't happy about it, but I agreed. I felt like such a failure. I was so upset. My natural birth was being taken away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. I was worried about the baby and I was scared to have surgery. The anesthesiologist upped my epidural and they wheeled me off to the surgery room.
They prepped me for a few minutes and before I knew it, they told me to look up. I couldn't get a good look at whether it was a girl or a boy. Finally someone said, "It's a girl!" That's when I lost it. I don't think I have ever cried that hard. A girl. My girl. I had a daughter. I couldn't believe it.
That beautiful (albeit bloody) little creature was mine. The love I felt for her was overwhelming. I don't think I could put into words how I changed in that second. I was a parent. A mother. I had been waiting so long for that moment. All I wanted was to hold her. Instead, I was stuck to the operating table while they stitched me up and cleaned her up. After a few minutes she was finally brought to me all wrapped up in a towel and little hat.
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And the hair! Oh my goodness, she had a full head of dark brown hair! I know 3 year olds with less hair. I was able to touch her sweet face and kiss her but it would be about an hour or so before I could hold her. Courtney was a good dad and stayed with her every second. She was born at 10:07 PM, weighed 8 pounds 4.5 ounces and was 20 inches long.
She had to be taken to the NICU because her breathing was labored. Of course it was, she was a c-section baby. While there, they checked her blood sugar and it was low so she had to stay. When I was released from the recovery room I was able to be wheeled to the NICU to finally hold my daughter.
She was perfect. Ten fingers and ten toes and just the love of my life. I attempted to breastfeed her but it just wasn't happening. Because of her low blood sugar they gave her formula so she wasn't really hungry and my milk wasn't in anyways. By 1:00 AM Courtney and I were in our own room and missing our girl.
She stayed in the NICU for 2.5 days and we went down to visit/feed every three hours with the exception of the 3 AM feeding so we could get a little sleep.
Her Papa was a pro at changing diapers.
When I got the call from her doctor telling me they were releasing her I was ecstatic. I immediately called Courtney to tell him the good news and he rushed back from lunch with his mom and my mom (who are over the moon about having a granddaughter). We still had to wait a few more hours before she was finally brought up to our room but it was such a happy moment when they rolled her into our room. Our little family was finally all together.
I loved (and still love) having her sleep on my chest.
We were able to leave the hospital the next day. We had checked in Tuesday evening and were there until Monday afternoon. We were so ready to go home.
Wearing the hat I made. I also made one for a boy but I’ll just hang on to it for future use.
Once there we slowly adapted to life with a newborn. The dogs thought she was a squeaker toy at first because that is what she sounds like when she has the hiccups. After a few days they settled down and were let out of the kitchen once in awhile. Thankfully my mother in law flew out from California to help out for a few weeks. The dogs were spoiled rotten by her. They aren't allowed on the furniture but she let them sleep in the bed with her. They needed the attention so I didn't mind. Now they barely notice the baby. Beaker likes to give her kisses when I let him but other than that they leave her alone.
Skip ahead to now and we have the sweetest 3 month old there ever was! She is such a sweet, happy, alert little girl and I love her more and more each day. Sometimes I have to remind myself that she is mine. I'm back to work full time now and I have her pictures all around me and I can't look at them without smiling the biggest smile.
And because I’ve been a total blogger failure for the last few months, I’ll leave you with some of my favorite pictures of my little peanut because who doesn’t love cute baby pictures?
One week old
First bath…not too happy about it. She loves them now though!
Two weeks old
Three weeks old
One month old!
First Orioles game
First Fourth of July (she slept through the fireworks)
Smiling at 7 weeks old
Two months old
Getting Beaker kisses while on vacation
11 weeks old
Three months old!
I’ve decided to start a new blog. A fresh start, if you will. I hope you’ll follow me over there. The address is http://www.shewasworthit.blogspot.com.