Progress

While it's not huge progress, it's still progress nonetheless.

I had my annual Ob/Gyn appointment earlier this week. I had been putting it off. At my last appointment after my miscarriage my doctor said that I wouldn't need to come back until my annual exam or hopefully sooner if I got pregnant. I was really hoping it would be sooner. No such luck.

The exam went fine and then we discussed some options regarding infertility. I mentioned that we wanted to go back to the RE but needed to have her call my insurance to get an authorization. I had paid $32 to have all my records sent to this new office and just needed for them to call...at least that is what I was told by my insurance company.

Long story short, I didn't need to do anything to go back to the RE. I only need authorization for treatment, not diagnosis. So we go back for a long overdue follow up appointment on June 3rd. I'm sure we will have to repeat a few tests since it's been a year and a half since our initial consultation.

My Ob/Gyn wants me to see a maternal fetal specialist to discuss my diabetes and how it might affect my pregnancy. I haven't set up that appointment yet but will probably wait until after the RE appointment. I believe that they had referred me to the same place so I wanted to double check at our appointment on June 3rd.

On the foster care front, we've basically just put that on hold for now. As selfish as it sounds, I really want a child of my own. I do. Eventually we want to do foster care but for our first child we want it to be a little piece of each of us.

So, finally I feel we are on our way.

Playing catch up

It seems it’s my favorite game.  Since I’m always playing it and all.  It never feels as if I’m ever caught up.  In my head I have quite a few posts that never quite materialized on here.  I have over 500 pictures on my camera that haven’t made it onto my computer.  There is money in my bank account that hasn’t quite made it to my credit card companies yet.  I have paperwork to mail out but it sits on my coffee table gathering dust.  What is my deal?  I don’t know if its lack of motivation or what but I seriously need to get my butt in gear.

So, in an effort (small as it may be) to get caught up here is a catch up post on what’s been going on with me.  There will be no rhyme or reason to any of it, just what spews forth from my fingers as I type.  So here goes:

• I think I am depressed.  I’m afraid to see anyone about it because I think it might affect me negatively if we pursue adoption in the future.  It was on the medical form that had to be filled out for the foster care application.  Lately I’ve been feeling pretty good but there have been some really low points.
• We are this (imagine my thumb and forefinger about an inch apart) close to mailing off the foster care paperwork.  I just need to fill in some credit card info (what debts we have) and I need to find out if my insurance will cover an adopted child with special needs.  I’ve been putting it off (mailing it) for various reasons.  One was because Courtney was out of work for awhile (he’s back now, thank goodness) and the other was me just holding out hope that we wouldn’t need to mail it in.  I’m not holding out hope for that anymore.  It WILL be mailed out this week.
• We’ve talked about going back to the infertility clinic to do an IUI.  I’ve been playing phone tag with my previous OB/GYN to have my medical records (all the infertility tests I had done) to my new OB/GYN (they only have records of my pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage).  I finally have the correct form to fill out and mail back.  Once the new doctor has my medical records I can have them call my insurance for authorization.  Can this be a bigger pain in my ass?  I think not.
• Tonight, at work, I registered the DUMBEST person I think I’ve ever met in my entire life.  On the form there are two lines for your address…Address Line 1 and Address Line 2.  Someone with an IQ of at least 75 or higher would probably be able to figure out how to fill it out but this genius had to ask what it meant.  Once I explained it to her she asked me how to spell her street name.   She then had to ask her friend what city and state she lived in.  Yeah, this person is going to be responsible for a human life.  I pity her unborn child.
• I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the first time this year.  It was just me and my husband (long story about a fight with my brother) and it turned out perfect.  I gave myself a huge pat on the back for that one.        This turkey sat in our freezer for two years but let me tell you, it was delicious!

Courtney carving the bird.  I made the jammie pants he’s wearing.  He’s a carpenter, hence all the tools.

Our table.  The flash really washes out the pretty green walls in the kitchen.  Well, I think they are pretty.

Homemade mac and cheese.  My favorite.  I made this instead of mashed potatoes.  If I had the ingredients I’d make this right this second. SOOOOO GOOOD!

Stuffing from scratch.

I’m thinking about keeping a tray like this in the fridge at all times.  Better than chips and cookies I’m sure.

Homemade gravy.

Cornbread from scratch. 

Canned cranberry sauce.  I can’t help it.  I prefer the canned stuff.  I was going to make it myself but the store didn’t have any cranberries.

 

The plates were off our wedding registry.  I absolutely love them.  Each one has a different image on it.  The angel hitchhiking to heaven is my favorite while the Golden Gate bridge is my husband’s favorite.

• For Christmas we called a truce and went over my parents house to open some presents and eat dinner.  I didn’t really talk to my brother but everything went ok.  I got Beatles Rockband (the only thing I really wanted) and I got my husband Just Dance for Wii.  Such a fun game.  And good exercise I might add. 

Our dogs love Christmas.  They open presents.  Seriously.

Courtney playing Just Dance.

My dad couldn’t get enough of this game.  Way too funny.  And my mom told me he was sore as hell the next day.

My mom tried it once.

My youngest brother (not the one I haven’t been getting along with) even did it once.  I couldn’t talk him into doing it again.  I think he got video on his phone of me doing it but hopefully I’ll never see that footage. 

 

Well, that’s about as much as I can think of right now.  I don’t think I’m fully caught up yet but I’m closer than I was an hour ago.

The state of things

So, I know it’s been awhile since I mentioned anything about the whole foster care thing.  Well, after a few mail mix ups we finally received the paperwork from the Department of Social Services.  Most of it we can easily fill out ourselves but we had to both get a physical and TB test and all of our animals needed to be up to date with their rabies vaccines.  As of today, both Courtney and I are finished with our physicals and Penny got her rabies shot.  Beaker will get his before next Wednesday because that is when we are going on vacation.

After all the paperwork is filled out, which will also be done before next Wednesday, I will mail it in and await a call about a home inspection.  I think all we need to do (other than cleaning and basic childproofing) is to get a fire extinguisher for the kitchen.  Once the inspection is finished we get signed up for classes which are about 8 weeks (I think) in length. 

I feel prepared for a child.  Whether it be biological or otherwise, I feel prepared emotionally, physically and stuff-wise.  I’ve been hording and collecting baby things for quite some time but after the miscarriage, when we started talking about foster care I’ve been going crazy.  I can safely say I have plenty of clothes thanks to Goodwill, Salvation Army, yard sales and flea markets.  You might think of stained and dated clothing when you hear Goodwill or yard sales but believe it or not I’ve found a TON of brand new and very gently used clothing at these places.  Plus, I’ve also picked up a few bargains through Babies R Us when something goes on clearance or on a really good sale.  I got this brand new Boppy Travel Yard:

on clearance because it was the floor model for $60.  It retails for $180.  It was on clearance for $119 (I think) and I had two coupons, a gift card and my measly 10% discount.  Not too shabby.

I have two Bumbo seats. 

Those little suckers retail for $40!  I found one at Salvation Army and one at Value Village.  They were each less than $4!  I love thrift stores!  You never know what you will find in there!    

Somewhat informed

The orientation/information session about foster care and foster-to-adopt care was tonight. A lot of the questions I had were answered but I still have more. Overall, I am still interested in pursuing it but I think Courtney is still hesitant about it. We need to sit down and discuss it to see if it is what we want to do.

In other, but similar news, I've been stocking up on baby stuff. Can I just say how much I LOVE Craigslist! I am bordering on obsessed. So far, I've bought a travel system for $65 (a Graco Quattro something or other...I just loved the pattern and the reviews just happened to be good...lol), a crib for $125 (converts to a toddler bed and then full size bed) and a moses basket for $15. I'll post pictures soon. I'm thinking about painting the crib. Something bold and bright like fire engine red or turqouise. Hmmmmmm.....we'll see. I also plan to make new covers for the pads in the moses basket. Once I decide on the bedding (which I plan to make) and the theme of the nursery, then I will figure out if I want to go through the trouble of painting the crib.

Since spring is kind of in the air, it seems that yard sale season has begun! I don't know about you but I love going to yard sales. Most of what I find is just junk but every once in awhile I find some keepers. This weekend I got a new soccer ball for my dog.

He really loves his soccer ball.

Courtney is usually the one who plays soccer with him. But sometimes he doesn't want to play.

Beaker doesn't care. He just wants to play soccer.


When I got home with the new soccer ball, Courtney and both dogs were still in bed and Beaker was so excited to see his new toy, he flew out of bed to grab it and tried to run out the dog door with it but it didn't fit. Too funny.

His second love is his frisbee. He is partial to the ones from Old Navy.


After an afternoon of frisbee, Beaker is exhausted.


So is Penny. She doesn't really care about the frisbee, though. She just likes running after Beaker.


I found some other random stuff but the soccer ball was the highlight. At least for Beaker.

A stuck pig

That is what I feel like.

I have been spotting/bleeding since the end of January but it started getting heavy yesterday. So I'm thinking this means I've started my first post-miscarriage period. I've never been a heavy bleeder during my period so I was ill-equipped yesterday. I usually wear a regular tampon and have one heavier day. I was bleeding so much yesterday I went through one regular tampon in about an hour or so. I only had one more in my purse. I had to fashion a pad out of paper towels, toilet paper and a couple pieces of scotch tape. I felt like MacGuyver.


Crisis averted.

Today, I was prepared. I had an arsenal of tampons, pads and pantyliners. My purse was a veritable smorgasbord of feminine products. I wasn't bleeding as much as yesterday but it was still heavier than normal. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I truly hope this is my period and that it is over soon. I wonder if there is a world record title for longest period ever. I think I might win it.

My husband and I have not had sex since Christmas. After we found out I was pregnant I was too excited and preoccupied to have any interest in sex. Then I started spotting and haven't stopped so therefore, no sex. I'd like to have sex again dammit.

Courtney is on board with the adoption through foster care idea. He still wants a biological child and we agreed to keep trying while we go through the process. On one condition. I am not temping/charting. I will keep track of my periods, but that is it. We will not time when we have sex. We will just do it when we feel like it. If we get pregnant, great. If we don't, that's ok too.

Since that is our plan, I still need to get better control of my blood sugar. Sigh.

Moving on

Right after I found out I was pregnant I went to the library to get books on baby names. Courtney and I always argued on what we would name our kids. My names were perfect and his sucked. We needed help. My idea was to each make a list of names we liked for boys and one for girls and then we would make a final list using the names we both put on our original lists. We could each choose one name for a boy and one for a girl that would make it to the final list no matter what. Then after seeing the baby we would pick a name that "fit." I figured since we would have a hard time picking names, we should get an early start.

Yesterday, the library sent me an email to tell me my books were due.

So, after two weeks of collecting dust, I gathered them up and put them by my purse to take to the library today. I was ok with it. I know that someday I will go back to borrow them again. It may not be in the same capacity, but I will be back.

Today I got out a few books on digital photography. I have a Nikon D40 and am ashamed to say I mostly use it in "Auto" mode. I SO want to learn how to really use it. I was thinking about taking a non-credit class through the community college but am too cheap to pay for it. So, stay tuned for evidence of my tutelage. Or lack thereof.

I also borrowed some books on foster care. They didn't really have anything about the process or what to expect, rather books about the problems with it and stories of the children who were let down by the system. I got a few of the stories about the children. Orphans of the Living is the first book I started reading. I probably should have started with something a little more uplifting, but oh well. It's a good book. Sad to read some of the stories about these kids but knowing that I could make a difference in a child's life makes these stories more of an inspiration for me to do this.

I plan on attending an orientation on foster care on Monday, March 23rd. Courtney isn't sold on it yet. He really wants to have a biological child. But he said he would go with me to get more information. My plan is to adopt through foster care.

I am unsure as to whether I will be able to get pregnant again and if I even want to. I reserve the right to change my mind at any given time, but at this point I am ok with not getting pregnant again. Don't get me wrong. If I do happen to get pregnant again I would be absolutely elated but very worried. Because of my diabetes, I have to constantly stay on top of my blood sugar to ensure it doesn't get too high. In all honesty, I believe that because I didn't have perfect control while pregnant, is the reason I miscarried. In an effort to better control it, I wrote down every thing I ate, how many carbs were in it and how much insulin I used as well as when I check my blood sugar and what it was. Even in doing that I still had lows and highs. I only did it for about 4 weeks. I can't imagine doing it for 9 months.

A continuous blood glucose monitor would be a blessing (it is connected to me like my insulin pump is and checks my blood sugar every 5 seconds) but my insurance doesn't cover it.

My pump would let me know when my sugar was going to low or too high and basically keep it in that nice green zone. (The "fingerstick test" is what I do now when I check my blood sugar. I usually check it between 3-5 times a day.)
This is the pump I have (but mine is a cooler looking purple). I would just have to wear another little port thingy that has a sensor.

Well, my insulin pump has the monitor in it so all I would need is the sensors to attach to myself but without insurance they would probably run about $300 a month or more. I just can't swing that. So, until the day that my insurance covers it or we are all covered under universal health care (HELLO! We are one of the few well-to-do countries to not have universal health care. It can and will work. If CUBA [Yes, Cuba.] can do it than so can we.) than I will not be able to relax while pregnant.

Ok, so back from that tangent...I have always considered adoption into my family plan but always thought we wouldn't be able to afford it. At least not without taking out a loan. With foster care we can help a child get out of a bad situation and provide them with love and security they may not have known before. And if the parental rights are terminated or given up, who better than the foster parents to adopt? Granted, we may be dealing with a child who has been abused or neglected or exposed to drugs or alcohol while in utero, but I think we can handle it. I think it's what we're meant to do.

I have a ton of questions to ask so I am really looking forward to this orientation. The next step after orientation is to fill out paperwork and register for training classes. Then there is the interview with a social worker and visits from the health and fire departments. All in all it should take between 4-6 months but could go by faster depending how quickly we get all the paperwork finished. Nothing is set in stone yet. We're still in the "consideration" phase of all this. Well, I know what I want to do. I still have to sell Courtney on the idea.....