Sunday, July 26, 2009

Breaking point

How do you know when you've reached yours? Is there a sign? Is it a feeling? Or is it just a series of events that make you just snap and scream, "I've had enough!"? I don't think I've reached my breaking point yet but I don't think I've been any closer than I am right now.

My husband lost his job last week. He works for a small (a husband and wife run it out of their home) company that does remodels, additions, decks, etc. They don't have any work. They might if they advertise but they prefer to use word of mouth for their advertising. Well, there are no mouths wording anything right now so they should really rethink that plan. They are idiots and I can't help but thinking that. I could go on and on about how much I don't like them but I'll keep it to myself.

While Courtney will get unemployment, it doesn't even cover our mortgage payment. He has a couple of side jobs that will pay cash lined up but I don't know what will happen after that. He is hoping that they will secure a job or two soon and call him back to work. I think he should start looking for a new job. Like, yesterday. They've been talking about laying everyone off for a few weeks. That's when I would have started looking for a new job. But that's just me.

Due in part to Courtney being out of work and to the sheer fact that I couldn't really afford it in the first place, I've stopped my acupuncture treatments. Although I didn't get the end result that I wanted out of them, I do believe I benefited from them. I'm eating healthier and overall I do feel better. Hopefully I'll be able to start them again soon.

So, of course it figures that when I'm the most frustrated and stressed I am unable to go to acupuncture to help alleviate it. Which, in turn, makes me more frustrated and stressed. It's a vicious circle.

My feelings of bitterness and jealousy are on the rise again. The acupuncture helped with that but now, because of our situation I can't control those feelings as much. I really have to bite my tongue when I'm at work (not teaching...my other job). Take yesterday, for instance.

I think every low life in the great state of Maryland came out of the wood works yesterday. I was listening to one girl and her mom go on and on about how utterly disappointed they were that they were told by someone earlier that we carried Classic Pooh bedding and then found out that we didn't. They were just so upset about it. I was starting to feel a little bad that they were misinformed but I got over it quite quickly when the girl pulled out a cigarette as she was getting ready to leave. I just stared, open mouthed, at her cigarette and blandly wished her a good evening. Under my breath I wished her a nasty bout with emphysema. Ignorant bitch.

Later on I was talking to a guy who can only be described as "Cletus." Seriously, do a google image search for the word "Cletus" and that's him. All I could think about was that this slack-jawed yokel gets to have a baby....really? REALLY? Him? He can't even speak because of his f-ed up teeth! He was too lazy to even lift his feet when he walked (Or maybe he might have had some sort of disability or something. I don't know and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.). I just couldn't stop staring at him and his beast of a girlfriend/wife/whatever and thinking, "Why them?".

Ugh.

I'm too disgusted with people and probably more so, myself to remember anymore. And believe me, there were more.

And I promise to let you know if and when I do reach my breaking point. That way you have ample time to find the nearest bomb shelter. Or at least duck and cover.

4 comments:

hollyli said...

Oh Kate, I am so sorry for Courtney's job loss. It's not a pretty time. I feel the pain regarding that. Let us know when you get dangerously close to the breaking point and know that you have a great support group that will help mend you back together. Loves, H

Monty said...

Oh Kate!! I am so so sorry! Praying Courtney finds another job super quick! Damn economy! Construction just barely started picking up here again so hopefully it will reach you guys soon!

As for your other job. It hurts my heart the people you have to see. You are right - they don't deserve to have babies. That is something I still don't fully understand. Keep venting and being pissed off as long as you need to! It hurts so bad. Even now that I'm pregnant I still get jealous of pregnancy announcements that came to easily. Ugh.

Thinking of you!! Hang in there!

Princess Avanaar said...

DH and I have been struggling thru unemployment for half a year now. Thankfully, we've been able to keep our house ... so I know you guys will be fine! It's hard now, but it will work out for the best! I hope Courtney can find work soon and at least some of the stresses you've been feeling can be alleviated again.

All my thoughts and prayers are with you! *big hugs*

jill said...

So sorry to hear about Courtney's job. That just sucks.

And woo boy do I sympathize about seeing people and asking myself "why them?!". So tough.