Hope is the reason

I haven't tested yet. I haven't even been tempted to.

How am I able to resist? Why would I want to?

Because of hope.

Right now I have hope. Not a lot. But a little. I can still dream about what the future will bring if this works. If I were to test and have it be negative then all hope would be gone. I like that I still have two more days of hope pulling me forward. It gives me something to look forward to. I'm not ready to give it up.

I go in on Wednesday morning to have blood drawn and hopefully they will call me sooner rather than later with the results. It's going to be a long day. A very long day.