Weird dreams

Ok, so lately I have been having some pretty "out there" kind of dreams. I don't remember them all but I just remember them being weird. Last nights' dream was no exception. I don't remember all the details but it was, from my faint memory of it, a James Bond movie. The new ones, with my next husband, Daniel Craig.

Isn't he dreamy? I think so.

So, back to the dream. He was James Bond, of course, but I don't remember being in the dream, rather I was just watching it. Anyway he was undercover as a gay sailor. And he played the part quite well. I was actually dreaming of him with some guy. It was X rated. I was a little disturbed when I woke up. I mean who wouldn't be after dreaming that their next husband was gay???

I don't know what is giving me all these weirds dreams but they are definitely interesting to say the least.

My own personal dark cloud

Lately I’ve been feeling like I have a little dark cloud hanging over my head and my head alone.  Kinda like that character from the Peanuts, Pigpen, but his was dirt.  I don’t think I’m depressed or anything like that but I’ve just been having some bad (well, weird is maybe a better word) luck.

Rewind a week and I just get into work and the kids are eating breakfast so I plop down and sit with them and eat my yogurt and fiber bar (believe it or not, they are GOOD!).  One of the other teachers lets me know that I’ve spilled a blob of it on my shirt.  Ugh.  I wipe it off and clean up my garbage and start getting the kids into the bathroom to go potty. 

Not 20 minutes later, I take a drink from my water bottle (which I’ve been filling with those awesome little Crystal Light flavor packets, this time in particular was a raspberry ice flavor) and realize I’ve spilled  dribbled red water in the same spot as the yogurt.  I usually carry a Tide-To-Go pen with me so I used it and then zipped up my hoodie as to hide the stains.  Lovely.

A few days later I got mustard on my shirt from my Subway sandwich.  Gotta love hoodies.  They hide stains nicely.

This past Friday, my husband took me out to dinner and to add insult (the pregnant…like ready to pop pregnant, waitress) to injury (wait, that would be injury to insult but you get the picture) she spills my dinner all over the table.  It wasn’t anything messy so I wasn’t upset but then she said, “Oooohhh, you’re purse!”  The ranch dressing I requested was now sitting in my purse.  My beautiful yellow purse.  My not so cheap yellow purse.  Well, I got it at Marshall’s on clearance but at one point in time it was an expensive purse.  And now it stunk of ranch.  I got it all cleaned up and thanks to my trusty Tide-To-Go pen my purse isn’t ruined.  After all that I would have thought that my meal would have been free but that wasn’t even offered.  She did offer to buy us dessert but we declined.  I don’t think we’ll be going back there.

Is it just me or wouldn’t you have expected them to give you your dinner free after spilling it in your purse?  Or offer to replace the purse?  This isn’t the first time it’s happened to me either.  A few years ago a waitress spilled hot wings all over my dress, which was white.  They didn’t offer to give us our dinner free or offer to pay to clean my dress.  I was HOT over that.  Mostly because I had to walk around in a white and now orange dress.  Whatever happened to common courtesies?  Maybe they aren’t so common anymore.  Hence my own personal dark cloud.  Sigh.

On a side note, I have no idea when my period is due.  I remember spotting at the beginning of April but my period didn’t start until almost a week later.  I’m thinking it should be due by the end of the week but we’ll see.  I did take a test this weekend but it was negative.         

Easter freaks

For whatever reason (glutton for punishment, maybe?) Courtney and I said we would go to a petting farm with some friends and their son on Easter morning. I had been there before for a school field trip and I thought it would be fun. I mean, we did have fun but I felt like we stuck out like a sore thumb. I felt like a freak.

Everywhere we turned there were kids. Everyone we passed had a stroller, a diaper bag or a baby. I felt like we were being stared at. Why are those people here? They don’t have a kid! Get them! Ok, so I am exaggerating. Just a little.

Anyway, the last time I had visited this farm it was just that. A farm. Not too long ago they acquired some of the attractions from the old amusement park, Enchanted Forest so that was neat to see. You may remember seeing some of the original park in the movie, Cry Baby, with Johnny Depp. Love that movie.

Here are some pictures from the farm:

They had an egg hunt for the kids but it looked like complete chaos. I don’t think we will be bringing our kids to this.

My prince charming.

Everyone else took pictures of their kid going down the slide. I took pictures of my husband going down the slide.

Not sure if I should be disgusted…or jealous?

After all the fun on the farm we headed back home to pick up our “kids” and head over to my parents house for dinner. While my brother cooked, we went outside to play frisbee with the dogs. Well, Beaker. Penny and my mom’s dog, Cagney, just followed him.

Penny doesn’t really care about the frisbee, she just likes to chase Beaker.

Side note: That is NOT an old man in the background. It’s my BROTHER! I never noticed how much of a hunch back he has! Proof positive that you should listen to your mother when she tells you to sit up straight!

And even after all that frisbee catching, Beaker still wanted someone to throw a toy for him.

Don’t hate on my yellow rain boots. I thought the farm would be muddy and they are so comfy, I didn’t feel like taking them off. I might sport them more often.

I hope you all had a nice Easter!

Time for a change

As you can see, I've changed my blog. Background, title, everything really. As much I love the whole "going green" movement, I felt I wasn't doing enough "green" stuff to title my blog after it. I still eat organic whenever I can. I recycle. I grow my own veggies. I compost. Blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't really define who I am. It's just something I believe in.



I chose the new name because I feel that's all I have been doing since we got on this TTC rollercoaster. I've either been waiting to see if *this* will be the month, or if *this* doctor's appointment will shed some light on our situation, or if *this* trick will help us get pregnant, and well, this list could go on. To be honest, I am SICK of waiting. I want a baby so bad I can taste it.



I hear these awful stories on tv about women who kidnap babies and try to pretend like they are theirs. I start to sympathize with these women. What if they are like me and have been trying so long that they go crazy and see a baby and just take it? I know the difference between me and them is that I am not crazy. Not yet anyway. But when did they cross that line? When did they go from baby-crazed to "that crazy lady who stole a baby? What made them snap? What pushed them over the edge?



So many questions. So few answers.



Don't worry. You won't be seeing me in the news anytime soon.

Lucky day in D.C.

Hubby and I went to D.C. this past weekend to see the Cherry Blossoms.  It was their peak weekend for blooming.  They were GORGEOUS!  I put some pictures up on my other blog.  But we just had the best luck for some reason that day.  

Before leaving the house I happened to remember the two metro tickets we had saved because of the leftover money on them.  I grabbed them and put them in my pocket. 

When we got to the metro station around 10:30 it was packed.  There was a L O N G line of people coming out of the station.  We decided to try to park in the small lot in front of the station before trying the garage.  We had just about finished going up and down the aisles when I saw an open spot.  The ONLY open spot!  SCORE!

We headed up to the station, dreading waiting in that ridiculous line.  Then, I began to wonder if that line was for people waiting to get on the metro or people waiting to buy tickets to get on the metro.  We overheard a cop tell someone else that if they already had tickets they could go right in.  SCORE!

We bypassed the long line and went right in, up the escalator and there was a train waiting and with seats available!  SCORE!

After we got off the train we put the $.35 needed to exit the station onto each card and headed through the turnstiles.  We decided to get cards for back home right then so we could avoid the lines again on the way home.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty normal and after walking A LOT, we were beat and ready to go home around 6 or 7.  We walked back to the station and saw another L O N G line of people.  This station was smaller so the line was for everyone.  The cop there said there was another station four blocks away that was much bigger so we decided to head there.

We must have missed it because we ended up at the station after that one.  It was practically empty and there was a Starbucks right next to it (SCORE!) so we refueled and headed inside.  We got on our train (and got to sit again) and headed home.

When we got back to our station we got in line (a short one) to get through the turnstiles and the person in front of us got their card stuck in it.  Courtney tried to get it out for them but it was down too far.  So they just left it in there.  No one else could put their card in and the turnstile was stuck in the open position.  SCORE!

Now we have two cards that haven’t been used yet for our next trip to D.C.  We plan to go back in a few weeks after it gets a little warmer.  This time we will head to the National Zoo.  I love the zoo and I haven’t been to this one since I went there for a middle school field trip.  Can’t wait!          

Sigh

A couple of weeks ago the assistant director at work announced she was going to be a grandmother.  Whoopee. 

Maybe if her daughter was married I would show a little excitement.  Maybe if her daughter wasn’t all of 22 I could feel happy for her.  Maybe if I didn’t lose my baby in February I would congratulate her and mean it.

I just couldn’t muster any excitement whatsoever when she told me.  I tried to be happy for her but it just wasn’t happening.  My wounds were just too fresh.

Yesterday (or maybe on Sunday) she causes a car accident and has to be taken to the hospital to be checked out.  Everything was fine but they wanted to make sure.  All sorts of awful feelings are bubbling to the surface.  Why does she get to keep her baby after being in a car accident (she caused nonetheless!) and I did everything in my power to do right and my baby was ripped from me?  I just don’t get it.

And what’s worse is that her mother (the lady I work with) WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT HER PREGNANT DAUGHTER!  She was behind our class in the hall talking on her cell phone to someone about the whole car accident thing and began to tell this person about how she was so glad that the boyfriend got to hear the heartbeat at the hospital.  Seeing as how I never got to hear my baby’s heartbeat I couldn’t stomach one more word, so I started singing.  At least there were kids around me so I didn’t seem too crazy.  Plus, I didn’t hear any more of her conversation.  Problem solved.

So if you ever find yourself wanting to drown out someone else’s conversation I totally recommend this song:

Green Jellybeans

1 green jellybean

Down in my belly-bean

Giving me a tummy ache

What am I gonna take?

All my friends are telling me

They’ve got the remedy:

Don’t eat the green ones

and pat your head! (or any action you choose)

~Keep counting jelly beans and adding new actions each time.  My two year old class love this song!~ 

 

Warning:  This song WILL get stuck in your head.

We had just finished singing it to the residents at the old folks home next door and it was the only song I could think of.  Needless to say, I’ve been singing it all day long.

Randoms

I don’t really have a topic to write an entire post about so I’ve compiled a bunch of random tidbits.

• I have a GINORMOUS zit tumor growing on my chin.  It hurts.  A lot.  It’s not the kind you can pop or squeeze otherwise I’d be on that like white on rice.  It’s just a red bump.  A BIG red bump.  I am not joking when I say how big it is.  My whole chin is swollen from it.  I’d take a picture but even I have to draw the line somewhere.
• On Monday I had a feeling like I might be pregnant.  I was tired.  Tired like I was when I was pregnant.  When I realized that I started to get worried.  Worried for once that I MIGHT be pregnant.  And not in a good way.  After 2.5 years of trying so hard to get pregnant I now worry that I WILL get pregnant.  Don’t get me wrong.  If I was a normal, healthy woman I wouldn’t think this way.  But with my diabetes not under strict control I worry what will happen to a developing fetus.  Just today my blood sugar sky-rocketed up to 400.  Not good.  Not fetus good.  Well, April Fool’s on me.  Tonight I started cramping and after using the bathroom I noticed that I had some bright red spotting.  I guess I should be relieved.
• My husband drives me absolutely crazy.  I love him dearly and probably couldn’t live without him but sometimes I just want to poke him with sharp objects.  We don’t watch a lot of TV together but we will watch American Idol.  I’m the kind of person who likes to watch the whole show.  I like listening to the bios about each person and watching the recap of the previous week/night.  He does not.  He wants to fast forward (gotta love DVR!) through the whole damn show.  GRRRRR.  Tonight, I made dinner.  He says he doesn’t know how to cook.  Apparently the shelf of cookbooks and recipes are of no use to him.  GRRRRR.  Oh well…I cook and he washes the dishes.  I think it’s fair.  After dinner I would think he would put the leftovers in some tupperware but no.  He says he has a “fear of putting stuff in tupperware.”  GRRRRR.  There are numerous other things that make me crazy but those are the ones that come to mind at the moment.
• LOST!  I LOVE LOST!  I’m so obsessed with that show that every week, I cross my fingers and toes that my husband will go to bed before I watch it so that I can watch it completely undisturbed.  And while I enjoy over indulge on some yummy Ben & Jerry’s I don’t have to hear crap from him.  Tonight’s flavor?  Cake Batter.  I was so blown away by the ending last week that I CAN NOT wait to see what happens this week.  HELLO!!!  Sayid shot Ben Linus when he was child.  Ben was a child, not Sayid.  There is this whole time-warp thing going on and some of the castaways are stuck on the island in 1974 (I think that’s the year) where Ben Linus was living as a child with the Dharma Initiative.  Confused?  You have to watch it from the very beginning to get it at all but it is SO worth it.  It’s the kind of show that you love to watch but hate at the same time.  If that makes sense.  The first couple of seasons left you hanging with so many questions that are only just getting answered.  Ok, enough about Lost.
• While on the topic of television, I was watching Reno 911 earlier and if I was drinking milk it would have come out my nose.  They used the term Jelly Tugs.  I had never heard it before but it was so friggin funny I plan on using it on a regular basis.  It definitely puts a picture in your head.  Imagine a guy, alone, with a jar of jelly.  Enough said.
• I started a new blog.  It’s just about crafty stuff like knitting, sewing, photography, etc.  I’m still tweaking some of the stuff on there but I did put my first post up so if you are interested, check it out.  Just click on the word blog up there.
• I got a pedicure today.  It felt wonderful.  My toes are bright pink.  Too bad my skin is too pasty to show them off.  
• I’ve been reading several books on foster care and adoption and have been learning a lot.  I plan to do a post about what I’ve read soon.
• This weekend is supposed to be beautiful so I hope to start planting some seeds for this year’s garden.  I’d like to do carrots, tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers, pumpkins, watermelons, lettuce, oregano, basil, dill and whatever else I can think of that we will eat!  I also have some flower seeds that I’ll plant, too but I don’t care what kind they are.  I just like the pretty colors.