Moving on

Right after I found out I was pregnant I went to the library to get books on baby names. Courtney and I always argued on what we would name our kids. My names were perfect and his sucked. We needed help. My idea was to each make a list of names we liked for boys and one for girls and then we would make a final list using the names we both put on our original lists. We could each choose one name for a boy and one for a girl that would make it to the final list no matter what. Then after seeing the baby we would pick a name that "fit." I figured since we would have a hard time picking names, we should get an early start.

Yesterday, the library sent me an email to tell me my books were due.

So, after two weeks of collecting dust, I gathered them up and put them by my purse to take to the library today. I was ok with it. I know that someday I will go back to borrow them again. It may not be in the same capacity, but I will be back.

Today I got out a few books on digital photography. I have a Nikon D40 and am ashamed to say I mostly use it in "Auto" mode. I SO want to learn how to really use it. I was thinking about taking a non-credit class through the community college but am too cheap to pay for it. So, stay tuned for evidence of my tutelage. Or lack thereof.

I also borrowed some books on foster care. They didn't really have anything about the process or what to expect, rather books about the problems with it and stories of the children who were let down by the system. I got a few of the stories about the children. Orphans of the Living is the first book I started reading. I probably should have started with something a little more uplifting, but oh well. It's a good book. Sad to read some of the stories about these kids but knowing that I could make a difference in a child's life makes these stories more of an inspiration for me to do this.

I plan on attending an orientation on foster care on Monday, March 23rd. Courtney isn't sold on it yet. He really wants to have a biological child. But he said he would go with me to get more information. My plan is to adopt through foster care.

I am unsure as to whether I will be able to get pregnant again and if I even want to. I reserve the right to change my mind at any given time, but at this point I am ok with not getting pregnant again. Don't get me wrong. If I do happen to get pregnant again I would be absolutely elated but very worried. Because of my diabetes, I have to constantly stay on top of my blood sugar to ensure it doesn't get too high. In all honesty, I believe that because I didn't have perfect control while pregnant, is the reason I miscarried. In an effort to better control it, I wrote down every thing I ate, how many carbs were in it and how much insulin I used as well as when I check my blood sugar and what it was. Even in doing that I still had lows and highs. I only did it for about 4 weeks. I can't imagine doing it for 9 months.

A continuous blood glucose monitor would be a blessing (it is connected to me like my insulin pump is and checks my blood sugar every 5 seconds) but my insurance doesn't cover it.

My pump would let me know when my sugar was going to low or too high and basically keep it in that nice green zone. (The "fingerstick test" is what I do now when I check my blood sugar. I usually check it between 3-5 times a day.)
This is the pump I have (but mine is a cooler looking purple). I would just have to wear another little port thingy that has a sensor.

Well, my insulin pump has the monitor in it so all I would need is the sensors to attach to myself but without insurance they would probably run about $300 a month or more. I just can't swing that. So, until the day that my insurance covers it or we are all covered under universal health care (HELLO! We are one of the few well-to-do countries to not have universal health care. It can and will work. If CUBA [Yes, Cuba.] can do it than so can we.) than I will not be able to relax while pregnant.

Ok, so back from that tangent...I have always considered adoption into my family plan but always thought we wouldn't be able to afford it. At least not without taking out a loan. With foster care we can help a child get out of a bad situation and provide them with love and security they may not have known before. And if the parental rights are terminated or given up, who better than the foster parents to adopt? Granted, we may be dealing with a child who has been abused or neglected or exposed to drugs or alcohol while in utero, but I think we can handle it. I think it's what we're meant to do.

I have a ton of questions to ask so I am really looking forward to this orientation. The next step after orientation is to fill out paperwork and register for training classes. Then there is the interview with a social worker and visits from the health and fire departments. All in all it should take between 4-6 months but could go by faster depending how quickly we get all the paperwork finished. Nothing is set in stone yet. We're still in the "consideration" phase of all this. Well, I know what I want to do. I still have to sell Courtney on the idea.....