Timing is everything

As hard as it is to admit sometimes, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I hate that we've had to wait for four years and counting to have a baby, but there is a reason. I hate that I had a miscarriage, but there is a reason. I hate that we can't do this on our own, naturally, but there is a reason.

Waiting is hard on anyone. It tests your patience to the nth degree. I've cried myself to sleep countless nights, waiting. Would I put this kind of weight (no pun intended) on anyone else's shoulders? Absolutely not. There is a reason we have been waiting as long as we have. I may never know the exact reason but I think it has been to give us time to truly be ready. Both emotionally and physically.

One of the most difficult things I've gone through emotionally and physically, has been my miscarriage. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. It's been almost two years and it is still very hard to think about without tearing up. I would trade anything in the world to have that baby in my arms right now. That baby would be turning one this September. Hard to believe, right? But, I can't turn back time and change things. I have to accept things the way they are and move on. I am using it as a learning experience. It has opened my eyes to see that I wasn't ready yet. It caught me off guard completely. My blood sugar wasn't under strict control. I wasn't working with my doctors closely, hell, I didn't even have an OB/GYN. Well, I did but he was too far from my house to keep on as my regular doctor (he was closer to my last job). I was not prepared. At all.

Now I have an OB/GYN that I like and that is close to home and works with the hospital I want to deliver at. Well, ideally I wouldn't have to deliver at a hospital but because of my diabetes I'm pretty sure it's necessary. I am working closely with my endocrinologist to ensure my blood sugar is under control as well as my thyroid. She told me at my last appointment that she wants me to call her the second I find out I'm pregnant because she wants to make sure everything is perfect regarding my blood sugar and thyroid. My RE referred my to a doctor who specializes in maternal and fetal medicine, basically they work with high risk pregnancies. I feel confident in my support group of doctors and nurses.

In a way I am glad that we have to get assistance in getting pregnant. It will allow me to plan better. I will know exactly when everything will happen. It won't be left up to chance. I started spotting today and I think it's the first time EVER that I have been happy about my period starting. I think I may have even said, "YAY!" So, starting today I am being super careful about what I eat and I'm watching my blood sugar like a hawk. The continuous glucose monitor has been a blessing. I have much better control now. I still get occasional lows and highs but because I know about them, they don't last as long.

Once I begin a full flow day (possibly today but most likely tomorrow) I will call the doctor's office to set up my day 3 appointment to begin monitoring my ovaries. I believe that they said I would take Clomid, too. Once my follicles are mature I would take a trigger shot to release them and ovulate and then do the IUI the next day. I can't believe we are finally doing this. And to sweeten the pot, we were approved to do 6 IUI cycles, good until next August. I'm still waiting for the cost information in the mail but we may just use those 6 tries before we resort to IVF. Not sure yet if it will make sense financially.

I am just happy to finally be moving forward. I've waited a long time for this and I feel more than ready.