Hello, My Love,

It looks like I get to see you sooner than we thought. My doctor wants me to come in next week (on Wednesday 2/4) rather than in two weeks (on Friday 2/13). I really hope I get to see you. I'm not sure if I can handle it if you weren't in there anymore. Think positive thoughts, right?

Your dad won't be able to make it to this appointment unfortunately. I'm sad and hurt but he has to work and can't (or won't) get out of it. I really wanted him to be there for this first appointment. I didn't care about him making it for any other appointment but this one was the BIG one. The one that really mattered. We've worked so hard and waited so long to get to this point and he chooses work. He said he doesn't appreciate the guilt trip I've given him (I am guilty there) and that he really wants to be there but he has to work that day. He can't get out of it. I think, more than anything, I want him there in case we get bad news. I don't think I can hear it alone.

What the hell?

Hello, My Love,

It's almost time for Lost, so obviously, I don't have much time to write.

I don't know what it is you are doing in there but you're scaring the crap out of me, so if you could please stop, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

From what I've learned from one of the nurses at my OB/GYN's office, it's probably a subchorionic bleed (http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/complications/subchorionic-bleeding.aspx). I've been spotting on and off since Saturday and am starting to get a little worried. I called the office today, but because of the weather (snow with a layer of ice on top...fun!) the office was closed. I did get to talk to one of the nurses though and she said that's what it sounded like. I'm calling them back again tomorrow to see if I should come in to be on the safe side. I don't want to spend the next two weeks watching the seconds tick by.

Seeing as how I don't really have too many symptoms to speak of, I can't really tell if they all of the sudden disappear. On a positive note, I don't have any cramping and the spotting is only when I wipe. Sorry, I know you don't really want to hear about your mother wiping but you'll just have to deal with it.

Ok, so on a Lost note...our stupid DVR has been a royal piece of shyte lately so last week during the season premiere of Lost it decided to freeze up. Talk about pissed off! Luckily I was watching it, just on a delay. I missed about 15-20 minutes of it so I am just tickled pink that they are rerunning the second half of the premiere before the new episode tonight! That's where the DVR froze up so I am stoked. Anyway....off to watch Lost!

5 weeks and symptoms

Hello, My Love,

Even though I've known for a little over a week (I am now 5 weeks!), it still hasn't really sunk in yet. I really thought I would feel different. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that I can hardly stop myself from smiling. I mean that I thought being pregnant, I would feel like something was going on down there. Occasionally, I feel a slight twinge but that's about it. I'm sure that is the way it's supposed to be but I guess I thought I would have this glowing aura of light shining on my belly at all times...hahaha, yeah right.

So far, the only symptoms I'm experiencing are:

• peeing more often
• more tired than usual (although that has gotten better)
• tender ta-tas (they don't hurt really, just a little tender)

And thats it. No morning sickness (knock on wood), no heartburn, no real cravings (although I've had a hankering for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich) or food aversions (except raw onions, but I had that before getting pregnant). I'm feeling really good.

I did have a scare the other day when I couldn't get my blood sugar to go down. It stayed high most of the day. I finally had to give myself a shot when I got home from work. It's been fine ever since, but it was nonetheless scary. I have an appointment with a nutritionist on January 29th so I'm hoping that will shed some light on what foods are good to eat while pregnant and to help control my blood sugar at the same time.

And just so you know how much I wanted to make sure I was actually pregnant, here is a picture of all the tests I took (not including the digital, which of course, didn't last).....

I took the last one on my birthday because you are the best birthday present I could have ever asked for. I really wanted to be a mom by the time I was 30 but you obviously had other plans. I will be a mom while I am 30 and I'm ok with that. Because I am going to be a mom. I am going to be a mom. Wow.

This is REALLY happening!

Hello, My Love,



This is it! It happened!



I AM PREGNANT!



I almost didn't believe that the test actually said, "Pregnant."

But it did! As soon as I saw it I just fell to the bathroom floor and started crying. I was in utter disbelief. Part of me still is. I don't think it will truly set in until I see your heart beating on that first ultrasound. And that isn't until February 13th. Which also happens to be Friday the 13th. Your dad joked that we should name you Mike Meyers. Well, I think we've had our share of bad luck for awhile and we shouldn't be worried. But, to be honest, I'm scared to death.

I've been watching by blood sugar like a hawk but it's been really hard to control. I plan to make an appointment with a nutritionist and it's probably a good idea to check in with my endocrinologist as well. I bought a book that gives you the carbs for almost every food imaginable plus fast foods so that will better help me calculate the amount of carbs I'm eating.

Your dad is so excited. He has told almost everyone he's come in contact with, a little to my dismay. I wanted to wait until we saw your heartbeat and were a little further along but he had other ideas. Now everyone knows. I haven't told work yet and don't plan to until at least 12 weeks, unless something comes up where I have to.

So far I don't really have any symptoms other than being more tired than usual and peeing a lot. But, it's pretty early so I'm sure they're bound to make an appearance soon. Bring it on, I say! I've waited so long to get to this point that I don't care what mother nature throws at me. I will get through it knowing that I will see you soon. You are worth it. Even though you're just a little dot of cells, I love you. I love the person you will become.

Your grandparents are also very excited. My mom teared up when we told her. When we went over their house for Christmas she joked that the best Christmas card picture (we take one every year) will be when there is a grandchild in it. Well, she got her wish! You are due on September 19, 2009. I'm pretty sure I will deliver earlier than that because of my diabetes and the fact that most babies of diabetic mommies are rather large, but we'll see.

I'm sure the next nine months will fly by but I really want to stop and smell the roses because I may or may not get to experience this again. I want to remember everything and so I am thankful for starting this blog. Not only for myself but for you to read when you are older. I want you to know how much you were wanted and how much you were (and are!) loved and everything we went through just to get to you.