Tuesday, December 11, 2007

To adopt or not to adopt....That is the question.

Adoption has been running through my head a lot lately. If I plan for the worst (can't get pregnant) then I can't get my hopes up too high, right? I hope it doesn't come to that but if it does, I think I would, eventually, be o.k. with it. I would always wonder about what a biological child of mine might have looked like. Would they have my nose? Would they have Courtney's eyes? Would they be shy and quiet like me or loud and outgoing like Courtney? That part might always be in the back of my mind and I guess I would just have to deal with it. If it's meant to happen then it will happen. If it's not then we will adopt and be happy with it.

I sent away for some information on international adoption as well as domestic adoption just to get the ball rolling and see what it all entails. If we go the adoption route I think we will do domestic. International seems very expensive. Not that domestic isn't, it's just a little less expensive than international. But then again there are downsides to domestic. If an expectant mother chooses us she could change her mind once the baby is born and would be something I don't know if I could handle. To have it so close and then have it ripped away again would be awful. With international (China mainly) the children are orphans. Ugh. So many little decisions on top of it being a HUGE decision to begin with. Courtney said we shouldn't start worrying ourselves about it until we have to. As much as I hate to admit it, he's right.

Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment to find out the results from my bloodwork. Apparently my thyroid results were abnormal. My initial bloodwork said that my TSH level (I don't even know what that is!) was 8.27 and that the normal range was .40 - 4.50. I'm very anxious about the appointment. If it was nothing to worry about she would have just called. Right? I just hope that if something is wrong and it has affected us getting pregnant that there is something they/I/we can do to fix it. If so then we will do it, obviously, and go full speed ahead with babymaking! If after several months of that and I'm not pregnant then I will call my OBGYN to discuss the next step. I plan on bringing up us trying to get pregnant at the appointment but she is just my primary care physician. I'm not sure how much help she will be concerning getting pregnant. It never hurts to ask though!

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