Progress

While it's not huge progress, it's still progress nonetheless.

I had my annual Ob/Gyn appointment earlier this week. I had been putting it off. At my last appointment after my miscarriage my doctor said that I wouldn't need to come back until my annual exam or hopefully sooner if I got pregnant. I was really hoping it would be sooner. No such luck.

The exam went fine and then we discussed some options regarding infertility. I mentioned that we wanted to go back to the RE but needed to have her call my insurance to get an authorization. I had paid $32 to have all my records sent to this new office and just needed for them to call...at least that is what I was told by my insurance company.

Long story short, I didn't need to do anything to go back to the RE. I only need authorization for treatment, not diagnosis. So we go back for a long overdue follow up appointment on June 3rd. I'm sure we will have to repeat a few tests since it's been a year and a half since our initial consultation.

My Ob/Gyn wants me to see a maternal fetal specialist to discuss my diabetes and how it might affect my pregnancy. I haven't set up that appointment yet but will probably wait until after the RE appointment. I believe that they had referred me to the same place so I wanted to double check at our appointment on June 3rd.

On the foster care front, we've basically just put that on hold for now. As selfish as it sounds, I really want a child of my own. I do. Eventually we want to do foster care but for our first child we want it to be a little piece of each of us.

So, finally I feel we are on our way.

Tomorrow...

It's my favorite word.

Bills? I'll pay them tomorrow.

Foster care paperwork in the mail? I'll send it tomorrow.

Laundry? I'll do it tomorrow.

Grocery shopping? Tomorrow.

Update my blog? I'll get to it tomorrow.

But when tomorrow comes, my favorite word rears it's ugly head. I'll do it tomorrow. I just can't seem to get my ass in gear to get things done TODAY. I want to. I have the intent to. It just never happens.

A few months ago I called my previous OB/GYN to have my medical records transferred to my current OB/GYN so that she would have all the test results and could call my insurance to get an authorization to see a fertility specialist. This was back in January/February. All I had to do was pay the $31.52 online and the records would be sent. Simple, right? I just paid it this past week. It took me 2 months to pay it. Not because I didn't have the money or that I didn't want to do it, I just kept putting it off. I don't know why. Well, it's paid now and I'm just waiting for the records to be sent so that we can finally get this ball rolling again.

I can't believe it's been over a year since my miscarriage. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it or think that I should have a baby now. A baby who would be turning one in September. A baby that just wasn't meant to be.

Now that's a lot of snow!

If you haven't heard, the east coast got hit with quite a bit of snow. Where I am at in Maryland we got over 2 feet. I was all prepared for a weekend (and maybe an extra day or two if my work was closed) being snowed in. I went to the store and stocked up on the necesseties (Fritos, Diet Cherry Pepsi, toilet paper, etc) and with the Superbowl on Sunday it was going to be a nice weekend in.

This is where it gets good. Or not so good I guess.

On Friday night my husband and I got into a fight and I throw the remote at him. Well, he's standing by the television. I have terrible aim. I hit the television.

Wonderful.

It works but there is a huge crack like thing in the middle of the screen. And from the research I've done online it looks like it would cost more to fix it than to replace it (it's an LCD HDtv) so we decided to buy a new one. Normally we would just go to the store the next day and buy a new one. But there is over 2 feet of snow outside and no plows in sight. Plus, I don't think Best Buy was open anyway.

This is a view of our street. I put a bunch of pictures from the strom on my other blog.

Which brings us to today. My husband shoveled out our street so that we could get to Best Buy to buy a new television. Which we did. And now we are ready for the Superbowl. And I'm letting him hold the remote.

Ask and you shall receive!

Ok, so since several of you asked about my DELICIOUS (yes, I am partial) macaroni and cheese I thought I would bless you with my recipe.  I originally found it online but tweaked it a little.  Without further ado, here is my recipe for macaroni and cheese.

The Best Mac & Cheese EVER!

1 Tbs  Olive Oil

1 (16 oz) package rigatoni

8 Tbs butter (1 stick)

4 cups shredded cheese (any kind you like)

1 1/2 cups half and half

16 oz Velveeta cheese

2 eggs, beaten

salt and pepper to taste

Optional:  Seasoned bread crumbs and extra shredded cheese for topping

 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C)

 

Bring a large pot of slightly salted water to a boil.  Add olive oil.

Add the pasta.  You can use any kind of pasta you want.  Cook according to package directions.  

I like rigatoni.

While the pasta is cooking I make the cheese sauce.  You can do it this way or just make the pasta and then make the cheese sauce after it’s done.  Either way, cube up the Velveeta.

In a medium saucepan melt the Velveeta cubes.

Next you will add your shredded cheese.  I used Cheddar and Cheddar Jack.  You can be a little fancier and use Mozzarella, Monterey Jack, Muenster, etc. 

Dump all 4 cups into the saucepan and stir occasionally.

Add the half and half.  Keep stirring.

Add the eggs.  Keep stirring.

Add salt and pepper to taste.  Once all the cheese is melted the sauce is done.  Set aside but stir occasionally.

Once the pasta is done cooking, drain well and return to the pot.  Cut up the stick of butter.

Toss it in the pot.  You can leave the heat off since the heat from the pasta and the pot will usually melt the butter fairly quickly.

Once the butter is melted put it in a 13x9 greased glass baking dish.

Although the cheese sauce looks good enough to eat as it is it will need to be poured over the noodles.

Like so.  Mix up the noodles and cheese so everything is nice and covered with the cheesy goodness.

If you want to you can sprinkle some extra cheese and breadcrumbs on the top.

Like so.  Now it’s ready to cook for about 35 minutes.  It should be hot and bubbling and you will have to have someone hold you back because it will be too hard to not jump in the oven and eat it.

Like so.

I just finished making mine and it is nice and cooled off so I’m outta here!  Enjoy!

Playing catch up

It seems it’s my favorite game.  Since I’m always playing it and all.  It never feels as if I’m ever caught up.  In my head I have quite a few posts that never quite materialized on here.  I have over 500 pictures on my camera that haven’t made it onto my computer.  There is money in my bank account that hasn’t quite made it to my credit card companies yet.  I have paperwork to mail out but it sits on my coffee table gathering dust.  What is my deal?  I don’t know if its lack of motivation or what but I seriously need to get my butt in gear.

So, in an effort (small as it may be) to get caught up here is a catch up post on what’s been going on with me.  There will be no rhyme or reason to any of it, just what spews forth from my fingers as I type.  So here goes:

• I think I am depressed.  I’m afraid to see anyone about it because I think it might affect me negatively if we pursue adoption in the future.  It was on the medical form that had to be filled out for the foster care application.  Lately I’ve been feeling pretty good but there have been some really low points.
• We are this (imagine my thumb and forefinger about an inch apart) close to mailing off the foster care paperwork.  I just need to fill in some credit card info (what debts we have) and I need to find out if my insurance will cover an adopted child with special needs.  I’ve been putting it off (mailing it) for various reasons.  One was because Courtney was out of work for awhile (he’s back now, thank goodness) and the other was me just holding out hope that we wouldn’t need to mail it in.  I’m not holding out hope for that anymore.  It WILL be mailed out this week.
• We’ve talked about going back to the infertility clinic to do an IUI.  I’ve been playing phone tag with my previous OB/GYN to have my medical records (all the infertility tests I had done) to my new OB/GYN (they only have records of my pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage).  I finally have the correct form to fill out and mail back.  Once the new doctor has my medical records I can have them call my insurance for authorization.  Can this be a bigger pain in my ass?  I think not.
• Tonight, at work, I registered the DUMBEST person I think I’ve ever met in my entire life.  On the form there are two lines for your address…Address Line 1 and Address Line 2.  Someone with an IQ of at least 75 or higher would probably be able to figure out how to fill it out but this genius had to ask what it meant.  Once I explained it to her she asked me how to spell her street name.   She then had to ask her friend what city and state she lived in.  Yeah, this person is going to be responsible for a human life.  I pity her unborn child.
• I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the first time this year.  It was just me and my husband (long story about a fight with my brother) and it turned out perfect.  I gave myself a huge pat on the back for that one.        This turkey sat in our freezer for two years but let me tell you, it was delicious!

Courtney carving the bird.  I made the jammie pants he’s wearing.  He’s a carpenter, hence all the tools.

Our table.  The flash really washes out the pretty green walls in the kitchen.  Well, I think they are pretty.

Homemade mac and cheese.  My favorite.  I made this instead of mashed potatoes.  If I had the ingredients I’d make this right this second. SOOOOO GOOOD!

Stuffing from scratch.

I’m thinking about keeping a tray like this in the fridge at all times.  Better than chips and cookies I’m sure.

Homemade gravy.

Cornbread from scratch. 

Canned cranberry sauce.  I can’t help it.  I prefer the canned stuff.  I was going to make it myself but the store didn’t have any cranberries.

 

The plates were off our wedding registry.  I absolutely love them.  Each one has a different image on it.  The angel hitchhiking to heaven is my favorite while the Golden Gate bridge is my husband’s favorite.

• For Christmas we called a truce and went over my parents house to open some presents and eat dinner.  I didn’t really talk to my brother but everything went ok.  I got Beatles Rockband (the only thing I really wanted) and I got my husband Just Dance for Wii.  Such a fun game.  And good exercise I might add. 

Our dogs love Christmas.  They open presents.  Seriously.

Courtney playing Just Dance.

My dad couldn’t get enough of this game.  Way too funny.  And my mom told me he was sore as hell the next day.

My mom tried it once.

My youngest brother (not the one I haven’t been getting along with) even did it once.  I couldn’t talk him into doing it again.  I think he got video on his phone of me doing it but hopefully I’ll never see that footage. 

 

Well, that’s about as much as I can think of right now.  I don’t think I’m fully caught up yet but I’m closer than I was an hour ago.

Keeping my sanity

People have many ways to maintain their sanity.  The constant waiting and wondering you experience during infertility is a true test of patience. 

 

Some people do yoga.

Some people go running.

Some people meditate.

Me?

Well, I draw beards and mustaches on the kids in my class.

We were calling him Hobo Joe.

So, when we were outside, I told him to go under the rock climbing thingy and hold his hand out.  How could you not give your spare change to a hobo as cute as this???

And so today, I stayed sane.  Overall, a good day.

Him

I always thought the man I married would be my rock.

He was supposed to be someone I could turn to in my darkest hour and find comfort.

He was going to be understanding and sympathetic.

Instead, as I lay crying my eyes out next to him because I told him that he never acknowledged my due date when it passed, he says, "What did you want me to do? Give you a card? Tell you Happy Dead Baby Day?"

I'm still stunned. I'm still hurt. I still can't believe that those words came out of his mouth. How can someone be so hurtful and downright mean?

The anniversary of his father's death is coming up on November 1st. I'm wondering how he would feel about a "Happy Dead Dad Day" card? I'll have to check Hallmark to see if they have one but I believe that is one card they won't have.