Abducted by vampires

Sorry for the lack of posting.  I got back from my all to brief vacation and have just been keeping busy with work, work and more work.  While on vacation though, I was abducted by vampires.

Just before we left for New York, I purchased the first two Twilight novels.  A co-worker read them and loved them and one of the children’s parents in my class raved about them so I thought I would give them a try.  Plus, I had a Barnes and Noble gift card burning a hole in my wallet.  I’m a Harry Potter fan at heart and didn’t think I’d like the series.  But oh.my.goodness.  I am hooked.

To be fair, I wasn’t crazy about the first book.  Bella (the main character) seemed needy and immature but then again, she was 17.  I guess I’m a little out of touch with the whole teenage crowd.  Well, the books grew on me.  I finished the first one before we left and most of the second one on the way up.  After finishing the second one I went to the local bookstore (my favorite bookstore, With Pipe and Book.  They sell used books and pipe tobacco.  I LOVE the smell in there) but I think they must be retiring soon because they were closed so I had to go next door and buy the next book new.  I thought it would last me the rest of the vacation but  I finished it the next day and had to trek back out (a 25 minute drive each way) to get the fourth and final book.  I finished that one after we got back.

So, that’s four books in the span of one week.  I also watched the movie and I have a new crush on Robert Pattinson.  He is YUMMY.  He can bite me any time he wants.  :o)  Can’t wait to see the next movie that comes out in November.  And with Harry Potter coming out in July I am just way too excited about books and movies that were geared toward children and teenagers.  Oh well.  Everyone has guilty pleasures.

The next step....

Hello, My Love,

We are finally at that dreaded point of no return.

The......(dramatic pause).......FERTILITY SPECIALIST! Bum Bum Buuuuuuuuuum....

I finally made an appointment to see my OB/GYN and he, of course, wants me to do more blood work and for your dad to get another semen analysis (to make sure the first one wasn't just a fluke or a bad test). He gave me the number for a fertility clinic that you can do semen analysis at that would be closer to your dad's work but he wasn't sure if they took insurance. Well, I had the chance to call today and they do take his insurance, but only if we are both patients there. Meaning, if he wants to do the semen analysis there and not be a patient it will cost him $150. Not terrible considering the gas money and time off from work it would cost him to go to the place he had to go before (about a 45 minute drive for him).

So I asked what we needed to do to become patients and if they took our insurance and they do. I just need to get a referral from my doctor. I did that after I spoke with them and I should have it in a few days. As soon as I get it I will schedule an appointment for us with our very first (and hopefully last) fertility specialist.

I'm not quite sure how to feel at this point. Part of me feels excited that this step is getting us closer to you. Part of me feels scared that this won't work. Part of me feels anxious that this appointment will never get here. Part of me feels apathetic towards the whole thing because I don't want to invest anymore of myself only to be let down again.

I know your dad is frustrated. It bothers him that we are doing everything right and still nothing. We've been doing things to improve our chances and still nothing. I don't know about him but this whole thing has consumed me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about getting pregnant.

I wish I could occupy my mind with other things but it is so hard. It affects almost everything I do.

• Diet - I cut back on caffeine. We both started eating more organic foods as well as grow our own vegetables.
• Sex Life - It is basically dictated by when I ovulate. It's hard to be romantic when we both know we're doing it for the sole purpose of making you.
• Medications - I make sure any medication I'm taking won't harm a baby if and when I become pregnant.
• Waking up - Every morning before my eyes are fully open, I take my temperature and write it down so that I can accurately chart my cycle.
• Work - My full time job is working with children so of course my mind wanders to the thought of having my own children. My part time job deals with mostly pregnant women so it is a true test of character. I can't help but be judgemental of some of these women (well, some are still just girls). I still catch myself saying "I hate you" under my breath to some of them as they pass by. Do I truly hate them? No, of course not, but this desire to become a mother burns so strong inside of me I just can't stand to see it come so friggin easily to some people.

I borrowed some books from the library dealing with infertility and how to cope with it and have started one book, called Unsung Lullabies by Janet Jaffe, Martha Ourieff Diamond and David Diamond. So far it has been very helpful. They describe infertility as a trauma and now that I think about it, it really is. Each month, we suffer a loss. Not necessarily the loss of a child but the loss of a dream. It is my dream to have a child and each month I am shot down. I am a failure.

The book suggests starting a journal and writing out my reproductive story. Not the story of when we starting trying but childhood memories and things like that which have influenced our reasons for wanting a child and how we want to raise them. For example, I remember asking my mother for a "brown baby sister" so my mom bought me a black baby doll to take care of. There is a picture of me trying to nurse it. I'm holding it up to my belly button. I think I was 2 or 3. As far as how I want to raise you, I know my parents were very lax about things and even though I turned out ok (in my opinion anyway) I know I want to be a little more strict. Not military strict but when I tell you to clean your room you know you better clean it. I think this journal would be very therapeutic for not only me but for your dad as well. He didn't seem to interested in it but I think it will help.

Frankly my dear, I DO give a damn!

So this post really has nothing to do with getting pregnant or motherhood whatsover but it was something I was thinking about last night as I finished one of my favorite books. Why do filmmakers sometimes drastically change a book when they make it into a movie? Sometimes you can't even recognize the book at all. I realize that sometimes the book is just an inspiration for a movie but for the ones that are supposed to be a visualization of the book...why change it? My favorite book of all time is Gone With the Wind and then Scarlett (written by another author but still very good and very true to the characters) which is the sequel. Then my favorite movie of all time is of course, Gone With the Wind. I know that the book was very long and even though they cut out a lot of things the movie was long as well. BUT...they stayed true to the book and didn't cut out anything too critical. In the book, Scarlett had a child with her first husband, Charles Hamilton and another child with her second husband, Frank Kennedy. They were cut out in the movie. Makes sense since they didn't really play that big a part in the book. They also cut out a lot of the secondary characters from her hometown and some of the secondary plots. Nothing that really changed the heart of the story. Now as far as the made for tv movie for the book Scarlett....that's a different story. They stuck with the removal of Scarlett's two kids from her first two marriages. They weren't vital to the story. They did add Will Benteen, who was cut out in the first movie. He was a soldier who appeared after the war was over and helped out at Tara and eventually married Scarlett's sister Suellen. He wasn't a big deal in the first book to be needed in the movie but he was definitely needed for the second movie. I'll have to rewatch the movie this weekend to refresh my memory but I think the beginning of the movie held fairly true to the story. Once Scarlett goes to Ireland and has the baby is when it starts to stray. The relationship Scarlett develops with her new daughter does not do justice to the book. Then the story goes off on a tangent which ends up with Scarlett being accused for the murder of some Lord even though it was her knocked up maid who was carrying his child. Where in the hell did they come up with that? They had Scarlett on trial and Rhett came and saved her. Ridiculous! This is a women who does NOT need saving! That was what the whole story was about! She gave up her life in America after it didn't work out with Rhett and decided to start a new life in Ireland with her daughter. She built her own town from the ground up for crying out loud! I also didn't like the actress who played Scarlett. I think it was Joanna Waley-Kilmer or something to that effect. First of all....she had BROWN eyes. Scarlett's eyes were green! At least put some colored contacts on! In spite of all it's shortcomings and those of the infinite movies that spawned from books it's still fun to see the characters that started in the back of my mind come to life on the big screen. Even if they don't have the right colored eyes.